Saturday, January 31, 2009

Fruit

I come upon a piece of fruit.

It is a lovely piece. Or so it seems. From what I can see. It is there, in front of me, right there, near me, available, ready.

I could touch it. I could put my fingers right next to it. In one instant I could be pressing my fingers along its side. Rubbing them along its rough skin but smooth edges. Caressing the fruit with the prints on my fingers. Teasing the energy between me and the fruit that is in this mysterious world of life.

Or I could pass it by. I could wonder what it was like to touch it, to press it, to rub it, to caress it, to tease it. I could walk on by, thinking about what it would have been like, but never having actually done it.

What difference would it make anyway? If I did indeed grab it with my fingers, or if I did not, what would become of it and me in the whole grand scheme of things anyway? Would there not still be a tomorrow? Would I not still be here? Would my life not still be full of dread and anguish and concerns of the day to day? Would I not still wonder about the pertinence of the meaning of life?

Oh sure, the fruit I could possibly touch could give me a moment’s pleasure. Yes, I could pick it up, grab it fully around within my hand, feel its texture along the tips of my fingers and within the palm of my hand, feed on its energy from the giver of life, connect with the energy within me and within it, open myself to possibility that this is the fruit that I was always supposed to feel and love and connect and use.

I could put my lips near it. Touch my lips against its skin. Think of the many stages it has gone through from bud, no, even before that, from seedling in the ground that would become tree that would become branches that would become floral arrangements in the sky that would become, no, even before that, even before that, from the beginning of the universe that would become a big bang of sorts that would become energy and light that would become earth and the sky and the fauna and the flora and the humans in their many lifetimes of forms and ideologies and countries and religions and errors and rights and hopes and dreams. And the fruit would have its life begin and end and begin and end and then begin again at some point when it would finally reveal itself to me, after I have begun and ended and begun and ended and came to here to reveal myself to it, in this instance of this moment when we are in front of each other and I could potentially touch it and feel it and know the energy between us.

Yes, I could put my lips near it. In fact, I could sink my teeth into it. Feel its sweet sticky soft silky succulence slide around my incisors and seep swiftly so. My teeth would take but a moment to cause it to loose its juice around them and into my warm mouth and around my lips and a few droplets here and there to miss their mark inside and instead flow along the outside of my lips and down my chin.

Oh, but I do not have a handkerchief or a towel or a napkin or a kleenex or something with which to wipe the excess juice from the outside of my mouth. So that would indeed leave me feeling sticky and uncomfortable and messy and dirty and others might see me in such a state and wonder if I lacked any manners at all. Oh, I could use the backs of my hands to wipe it away, and yes, it is true that this would keep me from looking the part of a haggard in the daylight. But would it not make the backs of my hand just as sticky and dirty and complicated as the front. It would involve not just the fingers in picking up the fruit but also the back of my hand. Do I dare involve the back of the hand just as I do the front? Is it fair to the back when it was the front of the hand, the fingers, that were the ones wanting to touch the fruit in the first place, when the back of the hand had no say in the matter? What if the back of the hand had no use for getting involved and was angered by the fact that the fingers have made it an accomplice to the murder of the fruit that need not be touched in the first place? What if the back of the hand simply stayed out of it, even though it was its fate whether it agreed to its destiny or not? Well, of course if the back of the hand did not behave as it was supposed to and follow the order of the ritual of which I speak, then it is simply left to the chin to pick up the slack and end up with the juice running down it again and again with no help from the rest of the body. The chin would be left alone to become sticky and drip its excesses onto the ground, possibly hitting the shirt I wear unless I bend over and eat the fruit over and above the ground without striking distance of my body. Either way, the chin, who never decided upon this fate in the first place, would be left to its own incapable devices to surrender itself to the fact that the juice that flowed in droplets from the mouth that had allowed itself to be opened and the teeth which allowed themselves to bite and the fingers which allowed themselves to touch the fruit and pick it up, is now overwhelmed by the choices of the others and there is nothing that can be done.

Oh, to think of the chin’s predicament.

Perhaps I should not pick up the fruit for the fate of the chin if the backs of the hand refuse to care.

But say I do pick it up, and stick my tongue out first, before biting, and touch my tongue along the fruit’s outer edges and feel its rough yet supple skin along the energized pulses of my tongue. Is the tongue’s sense of touch any more great than the sense of the fingers’ touch? It is, but why, and how is that? Did the great big bang that began the universe of which we spoke earlier decide at some point that the tongue would be greater than the prints of the finger? Is it truly greater, or simply different? And does it matter? Of course there are differences between the touch of the tongue and the touch of the finger. Is there a universal reason for this? Is there a reason for any of the existence of the differences or the similarities between the parts of the human body and the parts of the universe and the wonders of nature?

If I slide my tongue along its edges, before a potential bite, does that soften the blow, if you will, of the coming bite? Does my tongue feel something different before or after the potential and eventual explosion of the juices rushing forth from the first bite? Or does my tongue not interfere with the human and natural condition and is it therefore simply a situation of the fallen tree in the forest that no one hears? Or perhaps the listening is within and not without and the reality of the manner is that it does not matter if one hears or listens or a sound is made, but the fact of the universal matter in the first place.

This is all so much to fathom at this point in my life. Is all of this necessary to think and ponder and wonder at this time when I simply have come upon a piece of fruit?

I could simply walk on by the piece, not to touch or tongue or caress or bite or eat. I could walk on by, go about my day, think of more important causes in life, save the world from retched horrors that await it day in and day out, help the many who have less, worry over the real causes of pain in the world, think of an amazing invention that would save everyone one hour of time from the ritual of life that they are living even whilst not realizing that the hour needed to be saved and yet it did and has because I spent my time thinking of this invention which then led to them realizing they are glad to have saved the hour in their life so that they could pursue other options and avenues and lead quicker, simpler, happier lives all because I spent my time thinking of this important invention instead of this fruit that lies before me.

Yes, I should think of such things instead of this simple fruit.

But then, what if the fruit were to help me in my quest to save the world an hour from its daily chores? What if in my nourishing my organs with its juices the energy from within the fruit were to cause me to think of the right thing at the right time which would cause me to save the world the right hour instead of the wrong hour and the world would be better off having had me take the fruit and eat the fruit and feel the energy of the fruit in my body?

Oh, this is again so much to fathom.

The main question in front of me of course, is, do I want the fruit? Well, I can imagine it is tasty and juicy and lovely inside as it looks from the outside. I can imagine it most undeniably has a sweetness within it that I would like to feel near me. I can also imagine that its energy would somehow complement mine in such a way that for a moment the various pangs of life would somehow be less painful because the fruit would cover me in its richness, at least for a moment, and give me a sense of freedom and connection and hope and dreams would be found and life’s horrors would be solved. I could imagine that its juice, as it flowed down my throat, and into my organs, and my stomach and all those various internal bodily functions that are textbook examples of the reality of life but with which make no sense to me without my doctor’s license which of course I never got because I decided I did not want to go into medicine as a course of study because it seemed to hard and complicated and I would worry that I would forget something incredibly important in the moment of most necessity while performing some surgery of some sort or something and I would accidentally find myself having murdered someone somewhere because of my stupidity and lack of knowledge and no, I simply cannot go into medicine, even though I guess I am smart and have a brain and can figure some things out, but no, no, no, I cannot go into medicine because I would worry that I would kill someone as I am attempting to save them.

(Oh, dear, wait, back to the hour that I save the world through my invention that came along because I did or did not eat the fruit. What if the world needed that hour in its daily chores in order to function properly and that hour having disappeared ended up destroying the human race in a slow and horribly way that one could never have pondered because it wasn’t fully understood in the whole essense of life thing and, oh, my, I should never have played around with the daily life deeds we all must face. Perhaps I should never think of an invention for fear that it would indeed take from us rather than give.)

But yes, back to my lack of medical training.

So yes, the small bite of the fruit and the juice that comes with would slide down my throat, enter the various cavities of my internal organs, the stomach, the whatnot, and feed me with an energy of the fruit that I cannot understand or feel unless it is something that I do in truth. So, would the bite of the fruit give me something that I would want inside? Would the energy from the fruit effect me in a way that tomorrow will be different from today in some way? Would there not still be a tomorrow, tomorrow, whether I take the fruit or not? If I walk on by the fruit, tomorrow will still come. If I pick up the fruit and throw it as hard and far as I can, tomorrow will still come. If I eat the fruit and devour it whole, tomorrow will still come. So it seems that it does not matter whether I eat of the fruit or not. Tomorrow will also come.

Yes, I suppose if I eat the fruit, tomorrow will come with my body a little more nourished and stronger and I would live longer and healthier. But how does one know, really, if this is indeed the case? Perhaps that the fruit only seemed to nourish. Perhaps the fruit was poisoned and in eating it I were to fall ill and sick and when tomorrow comes I will be lying in a hospital bed somewhere wishing I had never tasted the bitter fruit of that which I could have simply walked on by. Perhaps the fruit will have a horrid taste, one in which I was not expecting, that hurt my teeth and my tongue and I had to spit it out quickly before it reached any further into my internal bodily organs. Perhaps the fruit had a worm inside that I could not see beforehand and I bit into the fruit and the worm came crawling out quickly and yelling at me for interrupting its home life. Perhaps the worm could be my friend and I could take it and put it in a box where I could put soil and earth and flowers and greens and the worm could take on a name of which I would give and the worm and I would go on adventures throughout the world, or at least throughout my daily solitary simple life, living inside my small abode where nothing lives, save for me, and that is always in question.

So yes, there are various alternatives to the possibility of the fruit in front of me. Of course, there is another alternative that I have yet to fathom.

What if the fruit is not really there? What if my eyes and my mind have decided to deceive my heart by placing a fruit where one does not exist? How do I know that my eyes are not conspiring against me to think of things that are not there so that I must think of random conundrums on a regular basis such as these of which I cannot seem to break free? My eyes could be telling my mind that there is a lovely piece of fruit in front of me, upon which I simply came, and really there is nothing there. My eyes could be wanting me to think of things to keep myself busy so that my eyes do not have to show me what is truly out there in the world that I must truly confront because my eyes and my mind do not want to have to deal with those matters of fact and it would seem easier for my eyes to create a fictional dilemma than to deal with a real one. So there in the fruit before me becomes the cause celebre for my mind and the real issues of the day, the real issues of my life, the existential questions of life are better left outside the scope of what is simply in front of me, the fruit that is in question.

Either way, whatever the case may be, within reality or not, fruit before us or not, we are left with the fact that tomorrow will still come, and yesterday already came, and today is just a day in the middle that will continue to move on for one reason or another but no one can tell exactly why it does because it simply does. Or at least, that’s what I wonder when I wander. Constantly. Incessently. Needlessly. Supposedly.

So we are back to the moment in which I came upon the fruit in the place of the first. The moment of all moments in life. The moment when life could go one way or another. The moment when I must make an ultimate and defining choice. Life will go on, either way, but it could be different, for better, for worse, or simply the same. How is one to know which? Do I see the fruit, take the fruit, touch the fruit, bite the fruit, tongue the fruit, swallow the fruit, befriend the worm inside the fruit, wipe the juice off of my chin with my backhand, or simply, and just as easily, walk on by the fruit? How am I to know the the right decision for the right situation?

These are simply the drummings laid bare as they bore and bear my own.

Monday, January 19, 2009

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Friday, January 16, 2009

been in sacramento some this week, they are taking down Xmas tree

my friend david got elected as supervisor, and president of the board

Monday, January 12, 2009

it begins...


it begins..., originally uploaded by Reeses World.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

so i've been reading books from my 15-year-old niece's bookshelf lately. recently i've read impulse and just finished tonight twilight. i'm enjoying being 'book buddies' with my niece and talking about the books afterwards. of course now that twilight is a movie, i should probably go catch it at the theaters and see the differences. but it was a pretty fun read. on to the next of my niece's books, it's kind of a funny story. her bookshelf tends to be full of very dramatic teenage stories dealing with very hard core issues like suicide and traumatic love and horrible lives that need help from institutions and such. you know, normal teenage angst from the '00s. on to the next one...

Sunday, January 04, 2009

my dear friend Martin, who has been traveling in southeast asia and blogging about it over the last month, took these pictures of my dear friend Kong. Kong was my tuktuk driver at the temples of Angkor and he was the sweetest guy. we've been emailing a lot back and forth since i returned to the states. and i sent him the helmet that's shown in the pictures, so i'm glad Martin was able to get a picture of Kong with the helmet. i love my friends throughout the world.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Christmas!


Christmas!, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

little kid is very excited re her mom's birthday

birthday for wen


birthday for wen, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

bowling with carol


bowling with carol, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

bowling night, wen's in charge

jesse, trinity, and mariah


jesse, trinity, and mariah, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

Connor and Jesse


Connor and Jesse, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

little jesse


little jesse, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

the little kid and little jesse

bowling night


bowling night, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

little kid bowling!!!


little kid bowling!!!, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

bowling night


bowling night, originally uploaded by Reeses World.

bowling night with valerie's family