new newsletter's up, which includes my "Little Ditty 'Bout Queers and Gavin" column

don't tell my niece

Unlike other companies, MetroPCS has no minimum age for signing up. Its ad, with a young model with a huge smile, boasts, "No credit check, no bank account, no problem." It also doesn't require a minor to have a parent co-sign on a contract, unlike other plans.

this is really, unbelievably irresponsible of the metropcs. i'm all for youth strength and activism, especially when it comes to health care and education and empowerment, but these for-profit companies are totally preying on the youth with no respect for their well-being. and it's one thing for a company to sell kids some clothing or a pair of sneakers without their parents' permission. it's another thing for them to be signing a legal contract that binds them to certain conditions and responsibilities which they may not completely comprehend or be able to undertake. parents: watch out for metropcs and other scammers targeting your young children behind your back. and the world thinks homosexuals are out to get children!

and in case my niece's mother is reading this, here's another article she might be interested in: If you use bank-issued plastic at the [gas]pump, you will almost always face a hold on your account of up to $75. And even though the transaction is completed in just minutes, the hold could last as long as a week. And either the gas station, the bank, the credit card issuer or the oil company is to blame for this, but nobody seems to know for sure. And that doesn't seem to be an issue for the various business interests, which have been aware of the practice for years. Because, after all, only consumers are getting hosed.

Newly-elected right-wing Republican Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt [said] that to find Democrats in Missouri, "You have to go to places where nobody wants to live anymore."

this really does go beyond the concept of not respecting the full range of your constituents and the interests of the democratic areas of the state. it goes beyond not representing your full state. and it goes beyond being a total jerk. this is part of an elaborate, continued message-play and power-play by the republicans to make their party seem full of energy and moving forward, while the democratic party is made to seem old fashioned, lifeless, and abandoned. it's actually quite cunning and devious. nobody said they weren't smart in their evil ways. i hate them all

i went to see my dear friend gabriel perform tonight. he's my i-can't-believe-how-many-years-have-passed- because-he's-an-adult-now friend who i initially met in 1999 when he was just 13 years old. now he's a fine looking adult who's grown up into the big bad world and he's rocking with poetry and slamming down his thoughts and politics and social commentary for the masses. he rocks. so, tonight, he gave a reading a the lgbt center for a special native american spoken word event called two-spirit tongues untied. it's been so long since i'd seen him. good to see him again, and to see him perform with such fire and strength. he rocks.

back in 1999 when i prepared to move across the country, one of my closest DC friends, Martin, my fam, gave me two teddie bears as a going-away present. i named them 'marteen' and 'marteena' after him. upon renting the truck and heading out west, i placed the two of them in the front window sill so they could guide me and my fam corby across the country. they stayed perched there for over a week.

for the first several weeks/months after i got here to san francisco i held them in my arms as i slept, as a reminder of my fam, my family, my past and present, and the hopes and dreams i followed and harkened in moving here.

ever since settling into my apartment i've had them on my couch watching over everything and keeping me company. martin says hi to them whenever he visits. and whenever i feel lonely or worried or anxious or depressed, i take them off the couch and i hold them. and on those really difficult nights of worry, i take them to bed with me to keep me close to my close ones and remind myself of the fact that i'm still on this long journey of hope and magic and dreams and i am not alone

and this week, as i've once again struggled with depressive episodes, they've been there with me all the way

perfectly capturing my fam, my babycakes jessie:

Jessie is the type of person who, in line at the grocery store, will shout “Check out my new dance move!” and begin furiously stabbing the air with his right foot.

The idea that the White House might try to infiltrate the press corps with a shill is a chilling thought in this democracy, but this is the administration that has been caught paying "journalists" and generating its own prefabricated "news reports" to distribute to TV stations too naïve to recognize the attempt at propaganda.... It's hard to say which is worse: That the White House had no idea who it was allowing to be within shouting distance of the president -- or that it knew exactly who Jeff Gannon was and why he was there.

i love the simpsons. it's the perfect television show. even when it's a poor episode in comparison to some of their others, it's still worthwhile viewing and still much better than most television.

so with that said, i will say that i was disappointed in last night's episode on same-sex marriage. not that they made fun of that, because they make fun of everything. all is fair game on the show and that's fine. and just that they took on the issue is a major plus and shows that they are way ahead of the curve than most of television. i give them major credit for being so good as to write about the subject at all.

but there were three problems with last night's episode that saddened me:
1) the disclaimer at the beginning. what's up with that? i'm sure that was from fox rather than the simpsons crew, so i don't fault the simpsons team, but still, it was distressing and stupid.
2) when it was discovered that a woman was really a man, they really missed the boat on handling a possible transgender issue and just went soft on the issue. they could have made the episode even more forward-thinking but writing something along those lines, but instead they kept it at a middle-america level. whatever.
3) but most importantly, the most distressing part of last night's episode was that they chickened out fundamentally. for a year or so we've been hearing rumors that the simpsons was going to 'out' a regular character and they would be married to someone of the same sex. well, instead of actually going through with a same-sex wedding of a regular character, they chickened out and had the partner turn out to be opposite sex. that ruined the context of having a same-sex wedding episode. it should have been written different to where they really had the wedding and they got married, and then something happened or whatever.

either way, i give them total props for having the episode in general-- no one else is-- and for 'outing' a character. (we all knew she was and now it can be a real part of the show from now on) but still, i feel as if an opportunity was handled less-than-par and could have been a lot better.

all that said, i still love the simpsons.

"THIS EPISODE CONTAINS DISCUSSIONS
OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE.
PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED."

new column, updated and remixed:

"Little Ditty 'bout Us and Gavin"

Dear Gavin:

At the rock concert that was City Hall on the morning of the anniversary of your bold decision to allow equal rights for same-sex couples, your rockin’ oratory shook the same-old political establishment from its doldrums, and shook me all night long. In fact, we’ve all been shaken, and quite stirred, throughout the year by your landmark decision. National, state, and even some local politicos are all shook up and simply don’t know what to make of you. But now they know, we’re talkin’ bout a revolution with the sound of a wedding bell. And we, the LGBT community, have our Queer eyes fixed on you, straight guy. Our eyes adore you. You’re just too good to be true. We can’t take our eyes off you. We’re here; we’re Queer; get used to us being around.

And so, here and now, we are together forever, and we will always love you! The search is over; you were with us all the while. And we’re gonna keep on lovin’ you, wherever you may go, even if you take it on a run for national office one day. And there ain’t no office high enough, as you keep on going higher and higher. We’ll be there, right by your side, step-by-step, ready to seek out the promise of a new day with you. Because that’s what friends are for. We’ll come together, anytime, over you.

Now, honestly, who would have thought it would have been you? Causing such a commotion. After all these years of waiting for a guy like you, someone who would meet us with open arms, someone to tell it like it is, who would have figured you would be the one? Wow, out of the blue, Gavin, what a big surprise. You of all people to take us to the point of no return. Now you know, you were never seen as the most liberal member of our Board of Supervisors. Nor did you come from the most liberal of districts. But it’s not unusual to find love and happiness in the strangest of places. And you must be our lucky star cause you shine on us wherever you are. And you give our love a good name.

After an up and down year of highs and lows, you’ve always been a steady anchor on which we appreciate being hung. Your strength and fortitude in the wake of questions from the media and the politicians, and your consistent, persistent, insistent, sho-nuff total representin’ message on behalf of our equal rights, have shown us your true colors and we’ve got you under our skin. Now you can’t shake our love, you just can’t shake our love. And as you rolled out the welcome mat and rocked City Hall on our anniversary, you also rocked me like a Herb Caen. And so here I am, stung by your courage. And that’s the way, Gavin, Gavin, I like it.

But, please forgive me because, unfortunately, my words simply cannot express how you really got a hold on me. My words get in the way of what I’m trying to say. And so I’ll wrap it up and offer my apologies. But I do have one last thought to express so as not to repress: In the future, someday, somewhere, should I ever make it happen and take that united leap with another man, who won’t go breakin’ my heart; and as we’re goin’ to that rotunda of love, I will make sure to say a special thank you to you, a thank you for letting me be myself, Gavin.

Peace out. Keep on rockin'!

Sincerely yours...

This week is National Condom Week. Are you celebrating to the fullest extent you can?

i've been in computer hell for the last couple of weeks. but now things seem to be back in order. big thanks and love go out to chris and jessie for putting up with my inabilities and helping me get things together on the tech front. what on earth would i do without them?

NEWSOM ROCKS!!!

when grandmas take on congress.

below is a letter my grandma is sending congress to let them know what's what:

"I am a 78yo grandmother and great grandmother and I am very upset at what President Bush is doing to our country. He is supposed to be a Christian; I have my doubts but that is between God and him. What he wants to do with tax cuts is terrible. It seems to me that when they cut taxes the only thing they do is take good programs away from poor, young, and old people.

"They stopped the Head Start program which I know was very good for my great granddaughter. I’m so glad she was able to be in it. Now the little nieces I have can’t get it. Also, my mother got very good care in Truman East Nursing Home. Now I hear about cuts in health and other cuts, so Bush can cut taxes. No one likes paying for taxes, but when you can see the good that taxes are doing it makes it easier to pay.

"I am old enough to remember before Social Security. My great grandmother had no money of her own. My grandmother had her live with them and once in a while one of her sons would stop by and give her five or ten dollars to make ends meet. Everyone was poor. Whatever your politics are, Social Security was one of the best government programs ever. If only they had made it so no one could use its surplus for other things. I think Congress should force all who have taken from its surplus over the years, or will take from it in the future, and pay back what they took back, with interest. Privatizing a wonderful government program like Social Security is a terrible idea.

"Please use your vote to stop President Bush and others on these types of plans that are hurting so many."-- Independence, Missouri

props to grandma for taking action and doing something. she's also obviously been thinking large and showing some emotion, as i mentioned in my column in my newly released newsletter

What definition of morality would impose massive cuts in Medicaid, which endangers health care for children, pregnant women, people with disabilities and senior citizens in nursing homes?

Because everyone has passionate opinions about love and sex, romantic comedies have always had to play it safe and try to please everybody. Audiences don't go to romantic comedies to be challenged, but rather to have their mores and misconceptions reinforced. That's why such films seem so strange years later -- romantic comedies from the 1960s look like something from Neptune -- and yet why conversely they're so interesting: Romantic comedies encapsulate an era's baseline attitudes about love and sexuality... Bottom line: To take the moral temperature of America, don't look at the risque films. Look at what's supposedly innocuous.

Even when "The Simpsons" airs a self-described "worst episode ever," it's still immeasurably funnier than anything they've ever done on "According to Jim."

i'm in computer hell
and i'm all alone and frightened

the essence of FAM

over the last few years i've been struggling. with language. and with societal boundaries that didn't reflect reality. and specifically, where language and society meet, or more important, don't meet.

you see, i live alone. but i'm not alone. i don't have a boyfriend or a lover or a partner. and yet, i'm not alone. yes, i have my family, my blood relatives, who live in other areas of the country. but i also have my friends.

but look at the word 'friend.' what's the definition? the word 'friend' can define everyone from someone you talk to at the water cooler to someone with whom you spend every day and plan vacations and tell you love. there are too many definitions of the word 'friend' and society doesn't gauge the difference among references.

so for instance, when i mention my 'friend' corby or my 'friend' jessie, i'm not referring to someone i have a casual acquaintance with. i'm referring to members of my family, but with whom i do not have sex nor do i have blood relations. this is incredibly different from saying 'i have a friend in that office,' or 'i'm going to a party with a bunch of friends i met this weekend.'

in my life, this was creating a problem for me in communication. and in the reality of societal recognition. say i was talking to someone and they asked me what i did over the weekend. i might say, 'oh, i spent the weekend with my friend jessie.' or 'i got a call and caught up with my friend walter.' or 'my friend martin came to visit.' respondents simply did not know exactly how to interpret this. 'friend' doesn't connotate appropriately. i would often get asked if this was a 'dating friend' or 'sex friend' or 'casual acquaintance' or 'do you hang out a lot?' and more.

think about that for a minute.

if, for instance, i had said, 'i spent the weekend with my husband' or 'i got a call from my mother' or 'my uncle came to visit,' the societal recognition would immediately weigh in and this relationship would be understood based upon the general concepts of those terms: 'husband,' 'mother,' and 'uncle.' but if i say 'friend,' there's no easy answer to what weight those terms had, nor any recognition of a bond that may be more than or equal to a familial bond.

again, think about that for a minute.

what we as a society are saying with our language, or lack of language in this case, is that certain relationships are more worthy of mentioning and defining and conceptualizing than others, simply because they have terms. and our society does not have appropriate terms for friendships.

sure, there are minor exceptions. women, and some gay men, can refer to their friends as 'girlfriend.' but then, it's not that clear there either and can be used on a variety of levels, and finally, for women these days it could also refer to a sexual relationship. the glbt community has often used the word 'family' to connotate its own relationships, but again, that's not a clear definition and can be something that can simply refer to be in the glbt community. various ethnic and racial communities have similar references to friendships, but again, this can be utilized to simply mean a member of the community in general.

there are no words in the english language that are commonly used in this day and age to express the concept of a friendship that is more than a simple acquaintance, more than a once-a-month-luncheon, more than the regular people we call 'friends.' there is not a word to describe a relationship that is not sexually, or familialy-tied in some way, that is a strong bond. there is no word.

and that's a problem. because it shortchanges many a relationship. and it creates boundaries that don't allow for relationships to blossom further. say, for instance, i was married. upon meeting up with me, people might naturally ask how things are with my husband, or with my family in general. they doubtfully would ask about my close friends, unless they know both of us well, and even then it can create questions like 'are you still hanging out with...?' or 'are you still talking to...?'

that immediately defines a relationship in the light of having an end. we do not ask married people, 'are you still married to...?' even if we might be wondering about that! that would be considered rude and inappropriate. because clearly a married couple, or a family, would not be apart from each other, unless, ties were severed in some way. but we automatically wonder, and phrase our queries about friendships, in this light. this does not recognize and validate and strengthen the bond that a friendship can produce. and continues the cycle of friendships being seen as less than and tenable.

with all that said, and with my problem outlined as above, i decided to come up with a solution. i'm going to change the language, coin my own terminology, and create the essence of FAM. FAM-- Friends Are More. yeah, maybe it's corny. yeah, maybe it won't catch on. but maybe, just maybe, it will help resolve my own dilemma, and those of many others. and it's easily something that i have many times wondered why the greeting card industry never created on its own.

first of all, this isn't just for me and my dilemma. this goes beyond me and my little life. think of the 'friendships' all around the country and throughout history that could be oh-so-better defined and matured with better terms. for instance, my family back in missouri has a neighborhood family with whom we are all very close. they help each other out. they give each other birthday and christmas presents. we have meals together. and yet, we have no word to describe that relationship, other than neighbors or friends. or think of other family friends that are part of the 'family.' or think of friendships that have lasted for 20-30 years or more and that clearly are not just acquaintanceships.

or think of the concept of 'best friends.' this term we use often to help clear up the language and elevate the term 'friend' to a closer status of relationship. but this fails. because it automatically connotates a choice of one above others. and only one. well, what if you have more than one friend that you consider close? do you call them all your 'best friend'? this can become very confusing if you're talking about many of your close relationships in this way.

so there you have it. my concept to share with the world. there's much more to say about it. there's much more i will want to write about it. but for now, there you have a general idea of what i mean when i say FAM. FAM gives a terminology to a relationship that already exists but which our society doesn't recognize. we've had other situations in our language that have been moved forward by recognition and conceptualization. 'domestic partner,' 'in-law,' 'ex.' language develops over time to meet the needs of the society. we need a term that helps explain, value, and recognize the fact that some friendships are more than just 'friends.' that is the essence of FAM.

FAM is wonderful....

FAM will be explained....

"How can the Senate possibly approve the nomination of Mr. Gonzales as attorney general of the United States -- the official who symbolizes our respect for the rule of law -- when Mr. Gonzales is the official in the Bush administration who, as the White House counsel, advised the president that torture was an acceptable method of interrogation?"

....

"Putting aside legal interpretations, in your own personal opinion, should the United States use forced nudity, the threatening of detainees with dogs, or 'water-boarding' when interrogating detainees?"

Gonzales' answer: "I feel that the United States should avoid the use of such harsh methods of questioning if possible."

"If possible?" Feinstein said incredulously. " 'If possible' is a major loophole, and I truthfully don't know what it means. I don't know how big that loophole is intended to be."

....

...several media reports -- not denied by the administration -- have indicated the CIA is using the following tactics, many of which were used in Abu Ghraib:

-- Forced nudity and sexual situations (intended to violate Muslims' moral codes).

-- Use of unmuzzled dogs to threaten prisoners.

-- Exposure to extremes of hot and cold.

-- Sleep deprivation (keeping prisoners awake for many days at a time).

-- Use of stress positions (binding in contorted or painful stances for long periods, or forced standing in one place).

-- Water-boarding (tying the prisoner to a board and either dunking him in water or suffocating him with a soaking wet cloth, repeatedly to the point of near-drowning).

"These practices are designed to seem innocuous, to not leave physical scars on the prisoner, even though in fact they induce tremendous amounts of pain," said Malinowski. "They have been adopted from notorious dictatorships elsewhere."

it's hard to imagine as strident and far-reaching argument such as the below being taken as seriously as it is, were it not for it being here in the City of San Francisco. welcome to the reality of sf. oh, and by the way, to quote my dear friend chris following reading the quote below, 'amen.'

"Thousands can't afford the $1.50 fare," said Richard Marquez, a member of the Coalition for Transit Justice. "These hikes and cuts amount to institutionalized racism and class discrimination. Riding a bus in this city is a civil right."

i love san francisco

sex and blood may make a family,
but words can yet define us