new column:

"Mine’s 15+, How Long Is Yours?"

Paula Abdul was popular telling us straight up that opposites attract. And the only Idol wasn’t American at all, but rather a British Billy. We were on the verge of the Persian Gulf War for Oil while Bush the First was in office. Ellen & Rosie were still little-known stand-up comics. And not even Elton John was fully ‘Out.’

1990 was a transitional year in my life. And it officially began on March 26th of that year. This recent March 26th, I celebrated my 15th anniversary of coming out.

Think about how far we’ve come in the last 15 years. And how far we still have to go. We are becoming part of the mainstream and fighting for equal rights we never dreamed possible before. But we also have Bush II in office and a right-wing stronger than ever.

I’m purposely keeping my column short this month. Instead of reading my usual diatribe, I encourage you to reflect. Think about how long it’s been since you came out. How many years? It’s been 15 years for me, how long has it been for you? Or if you’re a straight-ally, how long has it been since the first time you met someone openly LGBT.

What changes—in your life and in society and in politics—have occurred since?

And then dream. Spend another moment imagining where we might go in the next 15 years. Where do your hopes lie in the future? What fears do you have? Where do you think our movement will head next?

Pause from reading for just a moment. Close your eyes. Reflect, dream, imagine....

this is not surprising at all, just disturbing:

The Schindlers have authorized a conservative direct-mailing firm, Response Unlimited, to sell a list of their financial supporters, the New York Times reported Tuesday, suggesting that thousands of people moved by Terri Schiavo's fate would receive solicitations from anti-abortion and conservative groups. The group is asking $150 a month for 6,000 names and $500 a month for 4,000 e-mail addresses of people who responded last month to an e-mail plea from Schiavo's father, the newspaper said.

what's up with the 15's?

because on march 26, 1990
15 years ago
i 'came out of the closet'

in gay terms, i'm only 15 years old
next year i get to drive the car

couple of very interesting articles on the life of gay men, the circuit scene and its history, and so forth from the los angeles based gay mag, frontiers:

If the pressure to be beautiful and thin is harmful to women's self-images, the pressure to be beautiful and buffed has done at least as much damage to gay men.

No matter how visible or tolerated we are in the mainstream, there's still a part of us that feels like deviants, and we still need that special, sanctified place where we can come together and be collectively reminded that if our love is wrong--like the president and the pope are always telling us--then who cares about being right?

15
fifteen
quince
FIFTEEN
XV
15

The next time you find yourself in a debate about Ms. Schiavo with a person who agrees with Bush and the Congressional majority on this, ask them about Sun Hudson. Hudson was born with a genetic disorder and was sustained by machines from the day of his birth. The Texas hospital housing him decided there was no point in sustaining his care, and Hudson was removed from his machines. He died at five months old.

This happened last week.

Five-month-old Sun Hudson was removed from his life-sustaining machines by a Texas law signed by then-Governor George W. Bush in 1999. The law allows patients deemed unsalvageable by the hospital to be removed from ventilators and other medical apparatus, with a ten-day window given to the families of the stricken to find another facility before the plug is pulled.

Sun Hudson was African-American, and neither Congress nor Mr. Bush came storming to his rescue before his death last week. Believe this: If Ms. Schiavo were an African American child, a Hispanic mother, an Iraqi wife, an Afghani grandmother, an American soldier suffering massive brain trauma from an explosion in Mosul, anyone from Darfur or the Congo, if she had been anything other than a white woman in a Fundamentalist-controlled state, we would have never, ever, heard of her.

The piercing hypocrisy found in this hue and cry over Schiavo is the simple fact that the GOP majority pushing this doesn't give a tinker's damn about her condition or her fate. They want to cobble together some kind of bastardized precedent with this to knock down a woman's right to choose, and they'd like to tag Nelson while they're at it. Beyond that, this is a smokescreen to cover their true intentions.

Understand that whatever these people are making noise about is not what they actually care about. They did it a couple of weeks ago; while shouting about Social Security reform and getting everyone all fired up over that, they passed the Bankruptcy bill, the Gun Manufacturers Shield Law and opened ANWR for drilling. They've known their Social Security 'reforms' have been dead in the water for weeks, but kept pushing them to distract opponents from their true goals, which they reached in fine style.

So it goes with Ms. Schiavo. They don't care about her. They want everyone looking at her, however, while they prepare to destroy the filibuster in the Senate in order to appoint a few far-right judges to the bench. Never mind that the Senate has confirmed 204 of Bush's judicial nominations, blocking only 10, which is an approval rate of 95%. The GOP majority still shouts "Obstructionist!" and is preparing to annihilate the one firebreak given to the minority that keeps truly bad nominees from becoming judges. They will try to do this soon, while everyone is caught up in the saga of the Schiavo feeding tube...

sweet nathan had really no idea.

having not seen him in a long while he and i warmly hugged. he then kept lovingly and quite strongly patting my shoulder as we talked.

"how are you?" (pat)
"it's been so long" (pat)
"what are you up to?" (pat)

very sweet and warm, and yet painful, because he was hitting exactly the spot of my still slightly painful new tattooed shoulder. and because there wasn't really time to explain and/or show him, i simply tried my best to turn my body away from that shoulder and him. it didn't really work, but it's ok. i survived. and it's always good to see him....

i've been published in the local LGBT paper so go out and get yourself a copy of the Bay Area Reporter today. for those of you not in the san francisco area, you can read the column here.

so of all things, turns out my father is now writing a letter to congress too! never thought i'd see the day when all my family members would be getting so engaged. wow.

that also shows me how upset middle america is becoming with the far-right republicans and they're out-of-touch, destructive agendas. there is an underlying current of anti-republicanism out there and the democrats need to figure out how to tap into it

Fun facts:
Number of Clinton's judicial nominees that the Republican Senate blocked: 64
Number of Bush's judicial nominees that the Democrats have blocked: 10.

via Estephania and Matt's World

...a socially damaging faith-based theory that opposes even contraception, because every sperm is sacred. (In that belief system, the stain on Monica Lewinsky's dress is holy in the eyes of God.)

i was thinking this morning as i read more about the insipid night trip by bush to 'save' one woman's feeding tube: you know, we all are aware of how much bush really loves his vacations. he's taken more vacations than any other, and for longer amounts of time. and we all know of how he was ON VACATION when he heard about osama bin laden's immediate plans, prior to 9/11. but, on that vacation, did he rush back to dc to handle an emergency situation? did he do all he could to protect the country and thousands of lives?
well, obviously not, but i guess one woman's situation (who just happens to be neatly tied with the evangelical wing of the right-wing republican party and can help him and his cronies around the country gain political points) is more important than actually doing the real job of the office.
why hasn't anyone in the mainstream media pointed out the hypocrisy of that?

forgive the long quote from a blog called digbysblog, but this is really quite worthy:

By now most people who read liberal blogs are aware that George W. Bush signed a law in Texas that expressly gave hospitals the right to remove life support if the patient could not pay and there was no hope of revival, regardless of the patient's family's wishes. It is called the Texas Futile Care Law. Under this law, a baby was removed from life support against his mother's wishes in Texas just this week. A 68 year old man was given a temporary reprieve by the Texas courts just yesterday.

Those of us who read liberal blogs are also aware that Republicans have voted en masse to pull the plug (no pun intended) on medicaid funding that pays for the kind of care that someone like Terry Schiavo and many others who are not so severely brain damaged need all across this country.

Those of us who read liberal blogs also understand that that the tort reform that is being contemplated by the Republican congress would preclude malpractice claims like that which has paid for Terry Schiavo's care thus far.

Those of us who read liberal blogs are aware that the bankruptcy bill will make it even more difficult for families who suffer a catastrophic illness like Terry Schiavo's because they will not be able to declare chapter 7 bankruptcy and get a fresh start when the gargantuan medical bills become overwhelming.

And those of us who read liberal blogs also know that this grandstanding by the congress is a purely political move designed to appease the religious right and that the legal maneuverings being employed would be anathema to any true small government conservative.

Those who don't read liberal blogs, on the other hand, are seeing a spectacle on television in which the news anchors repeatedly say that the congress is "stepping in to save Terry Schiavo" mimicking the unctuous words of Tom Delay as they grovel and leer at the family and nod sympathetically at the sanctimonious phonies who are using this issue for their political gain.

This is why we cannot trust the mainstream media. Most people get their news from television. And television is presenting this issue as a round the clock one dimensional soap opera pitting the "family", the congress and the church against this woman's husband and the judicial system that upheld Terry Schiavo's right and explicit request that she be allowed to die if extraordinary means were required to keep her alive. The ghoulish infotainment industry is making a killing by acceding once again to trumped up right wing sensationalism.
found via Matt's World

by the way, and this is for my family, my fam, my friends, or close relationships of mine, legally sanctioned or not: should i ever be completely brain dead with no hope for ever coming back and in a vegetative state, or something like that, just remove my feeding tube or pull the plug or whatever. everybody needs to get on with their lives, and i'll need to be at peace, so just pull the plug!

and, NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, allow republican politicians to have any kind of say in what happens to me. NEVER.
thank you.

ever notice how when things start to get harry for the republicans on unpopular financial ideas (i.e. social security 'reform' not selling so well, bankruptcy 'reform' suddenly getting some press, etc. and other anti-american legislative efforts that has middle-america starting to take notice and fight back and hate the republican agenda), so ever notice how when things like that happen, suddenly the news is filled with other stories that take the american mind off the subjects at hand (i.e. baseball hearings on steroids, one woman's feeding tube in florida, and so forth.) it's almost as if these issues were suddenly pushed to the forefront as a way for the american public to forget about the real issues that actually affect our daily lives and pocketbooks. hmmmm......

similar to when grandmas take on congress, it's the sequel:

"when mamas take on congress, or 'mamas: don't let your representatives go up and vote the wrong way'":

below is a letter my mama has sent to congress and her state reps. to let them know what's what:

"I have several concerns about our government programs being dismantled such as Social Security, and Medicaid. Also I have concerns on the environment.

"First I am very concerned about the President’s plan for Social Security. He talks about getting government out of our lives and letting us make our own choices with our money but investments can be so risky. People are loosing their pensions because of unwise investments by people who supposedly know what they are doing. If we make the wrong investments with Social Security we will have nothing. If we take money out of Social Security how will there be enough money to pay the retired? If we could keep everyone from dipping their fingers into social security and only use the money for which it was intended there would be plenty of money. I pray you will make wise decisions about social security for us and for the future of our children.

"I also am concerned about the fate of Medicaid. My mother-in-law is 98 years old and living at Truman Medical Center of Lakewood. If you do away with Medicaid where is she supposed to go? I have been a Methodist all my life and as a Christian I care about the poor and elderly. I hope and pray when this issue comes to a vote you think of how it will affect the poor of this country.

"Finally I want to let you know how worried I am about our environment. I’m concerned about the fate of our National Parks and other wild places such as the Artic Refuge, and the fate of our wild horses. We must preserve this land that was set aside, and keep the oil and logging companies out! If we don’t our National Treasures won’t be there for our children to enjoy. We need to become less-dependant on oil and continue to build more environmentally friendly cars. I keep hearing about cars that run on water or soybean oil. We could put farmers back in business by having them plant soybeans for fuel.

"I pray you will take my thoughts into consideration and I look forward to hearing back from you soon."-- Independence, MO

my mama and grandma are getting out there and telling congress what's what. what are you doing in this time of great need?

for those of interest, you can see how i've accomodated the new futon into my very small space without losing any other furniture: and you can see me petting my mice-loving kitty:

happy 4th anniversary jessie and chris. your relationship, and the way you guys handle it, gives me hope everyday that there are ways to make love work beautifully. and i feel so privileged to be so close to you guys. four more years! and beyond.

and now for perspective against the bankruptcy bill from a conservative republican:

And who are the banks to be talking about personal responsibility when they're making bad loans? Why should the government bail out banks that issue credit cards with high limits to college students? Why make the law tighter to protect companies that lend money to people in tight circumstance and then charge exorbitant fees if they're late on their payments?...

So the Senate is ready to get tough with poor families who have borrowed too much, but not with the predatory lenders who squeeze them with usurious interest rates.

I am ashamed to note that every Republican senator in Washington voted for this special-interest bonanza. These so-called conservatives should believe in the market and chastise irresponsible lenders....

If the Senate can pull the "personal responsibility" card on families whom they say are buying big-screen televisions on small-screen incomes, surely they can also target companies that lend money to people who can't possibly pay it back. If these lenders can't lend responsibly, they shouldn't expect the government to bail them out.

i know i've been doing a lot of cartoons lately, but, wow, really, there's a lot of great ones on the bankruptcy stuff. and only now, after it's passed the senate, is anyone paying attention to it. too bad these weren't around during the election last year, but then, they didn't want anyone to think about that now did they

does anyone remember a presidential campaign last year that was about destroying social security, rewriting bankruptcy laws to favor credit card companies, hurting the poor and the elderly, or the dismantling of other social programs and protections for the average person? i don't. but that's the reality of electing the republicans and america needs to wake up, particularly the poor and middle class in the red states.

Most Americans haven't noticed the president's relentless assault on programs and policies that protect the middle-class against the caprice of the marketplace. If average Americans are living with a higher degree of financial anxiety, they blame outsourcing or high taxes or illegal Mexican immigrants. They haven't recognized that the Republicans have middle America in their cross hairs and that Bush has given the order to fire.

The war on working- and middle-class America continued apace last week when a piece of legislation favored by bankers and credit card companies — and pushed by the president — passed in the U.S. Senate. The new bankruptcy bill would make it harder for middle-income individuals to file under Chapter 7, which usually allows some debt-forgiveness. Under the new law, individuals (with some exceptions) have to keep working to pay off their debts, even if it takes several years.

Financial industry lobbyists claim they are only going after deadbeats who can afford to pay, but the research suggests otherwise. A few deadbeats may indeed file for bankruptcy to get out of paying for cars or big-screen TVs they knew they couldn't afford. But the vast majority, experts say, have been forced into substantial debt by some unforeseen personal catastrophe — death of the major breadwinner, job loss or medical crisis, for example.

Meanwhile, the rich will not be held to the same standard. They are free to be deadbeats. Senators defeated an amendment to the bill that would have closed loopholes allowing the wealthy to hold onto their mansions and other assets when they file for bankruptcy. They also turned back an amendment that would prevent corrupt companies, such as Enron, from sheltering assets that ought to go to former employees. But the Senate wouldn't accept an amendment that would have allowed the not-rich elderly to keep their houses if they go bankrupt.

More than a hundred bankruptcy experts sent a letter to Congress predicting that the people most likely to be hurt by the new bankruptcy law live in the red states that always vote for the GOP, including Tennessee, Georgia, Arkansas, Alabama and Mississippi. With many of their residents struggling to stay afloat, those states have a substantial number of personal bankruptcy filings. The letter made not one bit of difference.

Years from now, sociologists and political scientists may be able to explain how Republicans persuaded so many voters to act against their own economic interests. Even as the GOP heaps more and more benefits on the wealthy and Big Business — tax breaks, so-called tort reform, anti-union policies — and strips them from average workers, the party continues to get much of its support from those same workers....

The rewrite of the bankruptcy laws comes after a series of other developments that have frayed the safety net for average families. Even as job security declines, unemployment compensation has been reduced. Guaranteed pensions are disappearing, as is employer-provided health insurance. While wealthy Americans are coddled, working Americans are being subjected to the whims of a rapacious capitalism.

But Bush didn't say that during the last campaign. Instead, he talked about an "ownership society." He neglected to explain that most of the owning would be done by the rich.

sorry sorry sorry i haven't been posting this last week. been real busy. my friend cedric from my old office in washington dc was here for many days visiting and we did much sightseeing and catching up. plus others from my old office were in town so i hung out with them. plus there was much going on workwise over the weekend. and then, to top it all off, i spent time rearranging my apartment! chris and jessie gave me their old futon and i had to figure out a way to make room for it. i like my new setup but i still need to work on it. it's a whole new look. and if my place wasn't a total disaster area right now i'd take a webcam pic and show you the setup. anyway, there's much i've been wanting to share on here, but haven't had the time. i will get back into it now.

Demand a filibuster by your Senators
on the evil bankruptcy bill

CHOICE

March 10th is National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day
The National Day of Appreciation for Abortion Providers was initiated in 1996 and co-sponsored by many national organizations and individuals, as a way to help stop the isolation and create a positive climate for abortion providers across the country. March 10th is the anniversary of the assassination of Dr. David Gunn, the first provider murdered by an anti-abortion extremist. It is a day to remember and honor Dr. Gunn and others who have and continue to put their lives on the line daily to make choice possible. Without abortion providers, there can be no "choice." And without choice women cannot be free to live and plan their lives!

and look, there's more
you can use this link to send a thank-you message to abortion providers for keeping up the necessary work under ever-increasing difficult times

and you can read what others have written in to say anonymously about their appreciation and own experiences (these are quite powerful to read)

Missouri Democrats got a visit from John Edwards this week and are getting feisty: Auditor Claire McCaskill questioned plans by [Missouri's Republican Governor] Blunt and the Republicans to cut millions from health care for Missouri's most vulnerable citizens, even eliminating funding to provide wheelchairs and artifical limbs. "This is the meanest bunch of Christians I've ever encountered," McCaskill said.

Schwarzenegger's assertions that he is oblivious to his donors don't hold up well, considering fund-raising schedules and tactics. The governor and his backers recently filed a lawsuit to overturn regulations dictating the size of contributions he can accept. Among his fund-raising activities are Hollywood- like "evenings'' with the governor, where a seat at his table costs $100,000.

Even his desire to call for a $70 million special election this year is designed to bypass fund-raising rules: He is barred from appearing in TV ads for his planned initiatives if he is running on the same ballot. But he won't be on the ballot until next year, allowing him to pull in record amounts of dough this year unless he loses his lawsuit.

If the governor is trying to turn the state around, he would be better off if he were not so dependent on the corporate interests he claims not to favor. It's disingenuous for him to slap the nurses' and teachers' unions as special interests while holding out his other hand to influential donors. That's not real reform -- that's just business as usual....


Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has vowed to come to Washington as a "collectinator" for California, but what he collected Tuesday was mostly contributions for a possible re-election campaign.

The governor squeezed in brief meetings with President Bush, White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove and three Cabinet members. But he spent much of his one-day visit to the nation's capital raising money from Washington lobbyists who represent drug companies, Wall Street investment firms and the entertainment industry...

"No one thought that anyone could raise more money from special interests than Gray Davis," Flanagan said. "But Schwarzenegger has done what we thought was impossible."

i love living in san francisco
besides the great weather and clean air, it's the community. i mean, there's Gay people everywhere. in my neighborhood it's much more subtle but we're here. sure, there's the greek gods who work out twenty times aday and look unreal in the castro and other places, but then there's also the subtle regular guys. and that's always a breath of freshair.

today i'm sitting at my favorite neighborhood coffeeshop, waking up with coffee and not quite ready for the day as usual. this coffeeshop is pretty straight with only a handful of Gay people everyonce in a while (jessie and chris and i always make it more Gay than it would normally be, but the great thing is we feel totally comfortable in being ourselves there because this is san francisco after all). anyway, so i'm sitting there drinking my coffee next to some guy who looks like a regular suburban dad reading his morning paper. and all the sudden another guy, looking like another suburban dad, walks up and they hug and kiss and start talking about Gay stuff. and it's-oh-so-normal-it's-beautiful and i wasn't even considering they were Gay until they started talking. but in san francisco, they're free to open up and be themselves, whereas in another place in the world they might have continued to try to 'pass' and not done so. and i felt so happy to be sitting next to them and being myself, even though i never had to say a word...

"Disappearing" people who face torture in captivity is an activity typically associated with military dictatorships. It has no place in the arsenal of weapons used by the United States in its counter-terrorism war.

yesterday morning as i was leaving the apartment, amaya, my cat, was a bit too interested in the goings-on under the sink. she was watching something.

that just can't be good....

later that night when i arrived home she showed me her dead captive, strewn out in various body parts in the middle of the floor.

i had mice once before, in the fall of 2002, and that prompted me to get a cat in the first place. and she was great at taking care of the problem. and then i got the landlord convinced to come in and board up some holes and we've never had a problem with mice since.

until yesterday.
so this evening, she's again intensely watching underneat the sink. and i'm watching her. and i see a mouse try to run out from under the sink and amaya attacks and paws it but it runs back under the sink. amaya is waiting, anticpating, watching again.

i'm freaking.
so now i've just spent the last hour sawing through a long piece of wood (yes i have a saw and yes i have wood... no comments please on that one) which is incredibly difficult to do with a very cheap saw and nothing to really hold the wood in place. but i manage and put the long piece of wood in the hole (again, no comments) but it's not really very secure because i realize it's not really the sink, but it's the floor that's not even and creating the hole. and the wood isn't solving the problem that well. but maybe, just maybe, it will work for a while til i get the landlord to do something again.

the only real problem i have right now is that i scared my cat away with all my noise and sawing and holefilling, and so my savior and security is too scared right now to be in the midst of the battle because of all my noise. i hope she'll get back to her duty soon because i need her in there defending me. i support my troops!

note: for all of us bloggers who have ever had a link (permanent or not) to a political campaign, or raised funds for one, or written in favor of one, there may be a change in the air in washington regarding our rights to do that within the law....

sadly, we are losing face around the world because of the bush administration's pushing of the torture envelope. rightly, the rest of the world is asking, 'why should we listen to you?'

China accused the United States on Thursday of using double standards to judge human rights in other countries, adding to a growing list of nations that suggest the government that produced the Abu Ghraib prison abuses has no business commenting on what happens elsewhere.

"Unfortunately, it once again gives us reason to say that double standards are a characteristic of the American approach to such an important theme," the Russian Foreign Ministry declared after reviewing the report. "Characteristically off-screen is the ambiguous record of the United States itself."

Jose Luis Soberanas, president of Mexico's Human Rights Commission, cited U.S. treatment of Mexicans who enter the United States illegally, calling U.S. criticism of Mexico's record "the donkey talking about long ears ... because the United States violates human rights, especially those of our countrymen."

Amnesty International, the human rights organization, noted that the Bush administration had turned over prisoners arrested in the battle against terrorism to the same countries it cites in the report for torturing prisoners. "The State Department's carefully compiled record of countries' abuses may perversely have been transformed into a Yellow Pages for the outsourcing of torture," said William Schulz, executive director of Amnesty International.

"Cause if he did, i believe torture is in order"

from jessie:

and i finally got around to updating my pics page with some newer photos, mostly taken by jessie too... it's almost as if he's a photojournalist of my life

90% of myself

so for those of you who are regular readers, you'll remember this post when i went through the match.com online study to determine what types of guys i liked. it was a fun survey which didn't really work, but it was also a promo for the match.com site which encourages everyone to sign up and find matches. anyway, ever since then i've received regular emails from them showcasing men in my area that i might match with. and it even gives the percentage by which i might match, based upon criteria in the profiles i guess. i'm not sure how that works.

anyway, the point of this story is that this week i got my email with possible matches in tow, and lo and behold, my profile was in there as a potential match for myself! but what does it say that i'm only a 90% match for myself? is there 10% of me that doesn't work for me? perhaps that 10% should sleep on the couch tonight....