WHAT WOULD Jesus do? It's a no-brainer; he would leave the Christian Coalition, take a consulting job with Enron and then use his divine power to make George W. Bush president.

Ok, you blogger photography types, here's a question for you: I've got a conference coming up dealing with the issue of disparities in health care among racial/ethnic/socioeconomic populations in California. What could I use as a good picture for the cover of the brochure? Where might I find some good ideas/photos on the web? What do disparities look like to you?

I got polled last night about some local elections. I've never been polled before and it was very cool. But the strange thing was that Jessie also got the same poll call last night. Does that sound random to you?

The need for national voting rights standards.

Something is wrong when a senator representing 35 million Californians is not able to talk personally to the president or vice president in the midst of a crisis, but executives from a company that contributed millions of campaign dollars have complete access and significant influence. -- Senator Dianne Feinstein

Get this: if the stimulus bill that passed the House, backed by the White House, somehow survives intact, the government would write a rebate check for $254 million to... Enron.

I love the way this guy has a running meter on how much money he's saved and how many cigarettes he's not smoked since he quit. Very cute.

Such a busy work day.

Justice Department hangs drapes in front of towering, partially naked statues

It speaks for itself.

My word-a-day calendar's word for today is:

depauperate: Arrested in growth or development; stunted; severely diminshed or impoverished; falling short of natural development or size

I had never heard of this word, but I really like it. Now to use it in everyday life, but without any lame joking references that would obviously come to mind. Hmmm....

You have to wonder if the editor didn't notice the hilarity of this headline, or knew it and wanted to put it out there for everyone to laugh at:

Mayor bids to reduce gases

Well people, I'm back! Finally. After sitting at the airport in Burbank for a completely wasteful 2 and a half hours, flying on a delayed plane, spending forever trying to take the subway back to the City, and then waiting patiently for 45 minutes for a bus that never ever never ever never ever came, and then walking home from downtown, I am finally finally home. So after arriving at the Burbank airport at 4pm today, for a mere 55 minute flight, I am finally home at 10pm. I'm tired, worn out, and hey, it's freezing here in SF, whatsupwiththat?

Well, gang, I'm off to Burbank this afternoon for a weekend with my crazy siblings and 8-year-old niece. Normally, I would be very excited to go visit my niece, but this week she was really, really bad and got grounded. I'm not too sure what this will mean in my ability to lavish her with presents, go to movies, or have playtime. So this makes me extra sad. I mean, she deserved to be grounded (she kinda attacked her mom's bf with a pencil-- yikes!) and I'm very upset with her actions too, but it really is hurting me more than it is hurting her. She's all sad and remorseful-- and grounded. The family is sad and fighting amongst themselves anyway. And I'm sad and wishing I was going on a different weekend. I want to have fun and play with her, but now, I'm not sure how things will be. Anyway, I'm off to Burbank and catch you guys next week. Here's hoping it's a great weekend, or at least a pleasant one.

The best and worst of Gay commercials in 2001.

I got soooo tired today. By the end of the workday I was whining like crazy. And then I actually fell asleep on BART going home. I never ever fall asleep on the subway, but couldn't keep awake. What brought all this on?

I am so out of the loop!

When I was growing up, Antony Hamilton was the sexiest guy in all the world. I used to watch every bad television show he was in. I was completely infatuated with him. He was h-o-t!

Today, he comes into my brain somehow and I decide to see if he's in anything anymore and I find out he died in 1995 and that he was GAY. How did I not know this? This bio mentions that he was going to be one of the James Bonds except for fear of his homosexuality getting in the way. Wow, I had no idea. I am completely out of the loop, and very very sad.

Today's excerpt from my new Simpsons' Daily Calendar of trivia questions:

In the weekly opening sequence, what time is it in Bart's classroom when he's writing on the chalkboard?

a. 1pm
b. 2pm
c. 3pm
d. 4pm.
(Answer is in comments)

But the single most important reason for the long-term decline in the surplus is the Bush administration tax cut program enacted last June, which will cost the government $1.3 trillion over 10 years, the nonpartisan agency calculated.

"The energy crisis was a hoax, set up by deregulation, to suck billions of dollars out of the state," said Harvey Rosenfield and Doug Heller of FTCR, a non-profit, non-partisan research and advocacy group based in California. "The utilities, energy companies and power traders backed deregulation because they knew it would be a license to steal. Once freed of state scrutiny -- once the cop was off the beat -- they held the state hostage until we agreed to pay their demands. When they stole as much as they thought they could get away with, the 'crisis' mysteriously disappeared -- leaving the people of California stuck with the tab."

So I'm stepping onto the bus this morning to go to work and as soon as I get on this guy is staring at me. Now, this is some model-type guy. The type of guy that is way out of my league, actually most people's leagues. He's the kind of guy in magazines and stuff.

Anyway, he staring at me and I'm thinking that maybe I have something on my face or something else inappropriate. I go and sit down slightly across and behind him. He keeps looking over ocassionally. I keep wondering what's going on, although I promptly go into reading my paper.

Does he not see how hideous and fat and blase I am? What's wrong with him? So finally near the end of the busride he looks over quite directly, but this time he catches me blowing my nose which apparently made him sense reality and he no longer seemed to have any interest. Do I know how to handle men or what? Just as well, if he really was interested in me he must be absolutely crazy.

Ugh, Benjamin Bratt's so adorable. And he lives just across town from me, in the Haight. Ugh, if only...... He's such a sweetie too. But the article makes me really wonder about John Leguizamo now, not very good impression of him and his lack of openness.

One Filipino-American asks: Why Are We In The Philippines?

SAVE ROE V. WADE:

Sign onto this simple petition.

Or be a ten minute activist.

Or find 100 ways to support our freedoms.

Don't just think about it. Do it.

Today is the 29th Anniversary of the Supreme Court decision Roe v. Wade. Think about it for one minute:

"The right to choose is synonymous with freedom and equality for American women."

"In 1965, 17 percent of all deaths due to pregnancy and childbirth were the result of illegal abortion. Today, abortion is 11 times safer than childbirth."

"Legal abortion has been associated with decreases in both maternal and infant mortality. The right to make childbearing decisions has also enabled women to pursue educational and employment opportunities that were often unthinkable a generation ago."

"A lot of women have become complacent about these rights and truly believe that Roe could never be overturned. And they could never be more wrong."

"Women today have fewer reproductive rights than their mothers did a year after Roe vs. Wade."

What does being pro-choice mean to you?

"In 2001, being pro-choice is about preserving the fundamental liberties of freedom, privacy, and self-determination on all fronts. It means:

*Ensuring that all women have access to the full range of contraceptives.
*Making sure that both adults and teens that are faced with an unwanted pregnancy can obtain safe and legal abortions.
*Guaranteeing that sex education classes offer teens medically accurate information about birth control, safer sex practices, abortion, human sexuality, and abstinence.
*Securing the opportunity for all women to bear children without government interference.
*Protecting the legal foundation of the right to abortion.
*Blocking attempts by the U.S. government to impede women’s access to abortion and family planning services throughout the world."

Roe v. Wade timeline.

Find your own way to help: SaveRoe.com
100 Ways to Fight for Choice.

Think about it.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can.

-- MLK

Simply put, beards suggest power, dominance and virility. May I remind you of my new look.

What a great, insightful article on the underbelly of Silicon Valley.

Speaking of my night with my friends.... while over there they were watching football, you know, lesbians. Anyhoo, I'm sitting there ocassionally glancing at the screen in between blah blah blah's of my life and I happen to notice a hot guy on the screen--Adam Vinatieri. So he played for the opposing team of my friends and my city. So he kicked the winning thingamajig. So what! He's hot.

'Minds me of when I was back home in Kansas City and my father is watching the same stuff and I notice this hot local KC guy named Tony Gonzalez. So, you know, football has its perks.

(P.S. Neither of the pics linked do them justice.)

Spent a lovely evening with my dear friends Esther and Lisa tonight at their gorgeous home in Noe Valley. We ate pizza and played Trivial Pursuit for hours. Such nice and intelligent friends.
What a way to cheer a guy up.

I am sick of the mentality of body-perfection! Why can't we just be ourselves and still be liked?

I was so tired last night that I actually went to bed early. Then i ended up sleeping later than I had planned today-- just couldn't get out of bed. But I eventually made it to the campaign headquarters for volunteering for Mark Leno for his state Assembly run. A group of four of us gay men spent several hours in the Castro today handing out flyers for Mark. Busy days and I'm still tired.

Well, it's been a long day at work. In fact, it's been a long week at work. I'm very tired. I hope I get an assistant soon.

In the meantime, anyone want to cuddle with me?

I'm finally writing this post. I've been a strong loyalist to The X-Files throughout its tenure. However, I've been struggling with what to say about how bad this season has been. There have been many a time since the start of this season where I have wanted to jump up to my computer to state my disgust, then seemingly finding myself with a lack of interest. Now comes word that the show is ending with this season. And I can only say that I am very happy to hear it, and yet very sad.

I don't mind the new characters at all, although I don't really care about them. Maybe that's the problem with that. But the real problem with this season has been the complete lack of vision, originality, and suspense. I have not been scared or surprised or taken aback by anything they've done. The stories have been incredibly BORING. The lack of originality has been the worst part-- one episode was just a pathetic rip-off of Silence of the Lambs; another was a rip-off of one of their own stories from a few years ago.

I've always been more of a fan of their individual-story-episodes rather than the ongoing "mythology" which seems to go on and on and never go anywhere. So knocking on the "mythology" episodes is easy for me. But I must say that those episodes are so terribly boring this season that I cringe even to have to watch them now.

So you may ask why I'm still watching at all. Well, it's kinda like tradition, mixed with nostalgia, filled with hope for better episodes or a glimmer of the great times that were had. I had this problem in the mid-90's when I actually sat through the miserable last season of Roseanne. That show had always been my favorite at the time, I didn't want to see it go, and I hoped for better. The final season was mind-numbingly bad and it obviously should have ended the season before. The same is true for "The X-files" this season, although it is not as bad as that.

I will miss the show. But I think more and more it obviously should have ended with last season. If they weren't going to put in the effort to create original, exciting, and suspenseful episode this season then they shouldn't have continued it. They simply let it sag along. And that's the saddest part of it.

My Mom LOVES this guy. And what woman wouldn't? He's semi-cute and has the deepest, most manly voice, but in a non-threatening, sweet kinda persona that makes a married woman's heart swoon. I was at home over Christmas and walked in the room as my Mother was watching the the "special" Christmas episode of the everybody's-moved-on-but-a-few-loyalists Ally McBeal television show in which he was seen at the church lecturn singing with such emotion that Ally got herself all choked up-- with just a simple tear streaming down her face. And what human being in their right mind wouldn't get choked up seeing Ally get choked up watching a sweet-faced (dare I say, angel-faced) young lad singing such an emotional and well-meaning verse?

The media/marketing producers know what they're doing.

Went to the gym yesterday for the first time this year, and I must say that I was none too pleased with the newfound gifts I received over Christmas.

There's obviously a mad distinction between reality and real reality, because I could have sworn, until yesterday, that I'd been losing weight and gaining ground. I'd felt lighter. I thought lighter. Isn't that real?

The mind plays cruel, cruel jokes.

So now I think I should start one of those time-tested weight loss programs where I refuse to eat until some political action is taken by the federal government-- you know, a hunger strike. Now to come up with a strike in which the government would never acquiesce to my action, thereby allowing me to lose more weight. Hmmm..... I know: I won't eat again until Gore is rightfully installed as President. That will never happen. I'll soon be thin again!

Anyone want to be my assistant?

Bush's favorability polling has been through the roof ever since September 11, but as I and many have been saying, these numbers don't necessarily mean anything when time comes for his re-election in 2004. At times of crisis, a president's ratings always soar. This doesn't mean that we don't have our work cut out in trying to win against him. But with his re-electability polling hanging at less than 50% there is definitely cause for hope and happiness.

Food de Hemp

My Senator begins her re-election bid. Go Carnahan!

Cell Phone Spam: This is the wave of the future, and if you don't like it, you need to move to a different universe.
Maybe we need to send him and his ilk to another universe.

All the Women, Independent, throw your hands up at me!

My workload is so full these days!

I must say that I strongly agree with this article about redistricting. I have been incredibly unhappy with the way that legislators around the country have cherry-picked the citizens they want for the districts to where they election for all intents and purposes becomes moot. The states of Washington and Iowa have a clever way of handing these redistricting jobs to special courts and, as has been in the past and currently this year, the lines are completely out of sync with incumbents and actually more reflective of the citizenry of the state. California's redistricting process for its congressmembers was a terrible act of incumbent protection to wit everyone already knows who will win and by how much. Pathetic!

I don't know the answer to homelessness; I really don't. There's so many issues and concerns. But I must say that so much that is discussed in the public policy arena about homelessness in San Francisco is such a bunch of hotair and grandstanding. If only they really could stop all of the public urination and defacation in the City. What a day that would be!

One day about a year or so ago Jessie and I were walking around our neighborhood in a busy business-district area and this guy starts pulling down his pants and begins to crap against the wall of a store. I'm not sure how much more gross or disgusting one can get. That image will unfortunately never leave my mind. Another image that will never leave it is the one I spoke about a while back regarding the father holding his 2-3 year old child, while he peed at the bus stop. There really begins to be a lack of respect and public decency after a while.

The biggest difference between living in San Francisco versus Kansas City: articles about the lack of a country radio station get written.

Look at how cute my fave, Dave, is.

In speaking with my fave, Dave, I mentioned my lovely Friday night out. I got myself all gussied up, felt energetic and smiley, and went into the Castro for a night of possibilities. And then no one took notice. ;-(

Actually, I take that back. One person in particular took immediate notice. He was way cute and very intellectual looking. However, he'd only look at me and smile when his hand-holding partner wasn't looking or was away. Yes, that's me, the interest of the already-partnered. How sad.

Sunday, Sunday..... I'm here working at the office on a beautiful, gorgeous, lovely day in the Bay Area. It's my own thing since I took off Friday to make way for working on Sunday. I needed to have some time in the office to myself or else I'd never get a specific project done without distractions. But still, it's so beautiful outside..... Sunday, Sunday.

there's gotta be more to life than this...

That men would be kind.
That life would be welcome.
That love would come...
That it would calm the drum.

Justice? Poor guys rob banks; rich guys "overstate their profits." Poor guys run from the law; rich guys run to a different company.

There's little in taking or giving,
There's little in water or wine;
This living, this living, this living
Was never a project of mine.
Oh, Hard is the struggle, and spare is
The gain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
And rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle---
Would you kindly direct me to hell?

--Dorothy Parker

For those of you who haven't seen me with my new beard, here's a decent photo of it. I've since cleaned it up a bit so I like it better now. Hopefully Jessie will be taking some updated pics of me soon and you all can see the difference. P.S. It's kind of a dark pic, my beard is much redder in person.

My best friend from high school, Corby, who I've always been very close to and always kept in touch with over the years, blew through town briefly yesterday. I barely got to spend any time with him, unfortunately, because he was on a road trip and behind schedule. While he was here he painted a video cabinet of mine this beautiful "pumpkin pie" color that I just love. He's an artist and had always talked about painting that cabinet for me. It had kinda gotten all scraped up before. Anyway, I'm sad I didn't get to see him more, but it was nice to see him again briefly.

I'm so tired of blogger being down all the time lately.

Apparently, David's got an interesting new type of interview process for new employees: On the day of my fist interview...

Mr. Bush has sworn to resist these sane options.

I had a frustrating dream the other night:

This really cute guy at my gym comes over to me and asks me out to dinner. How exciting! But then I spend the rest of the dream writing down the wrong phone number for him. I can't remember my own phone number! I keep writing down numbers and they keep coming out wrong. I then end up feeling really stupid in front of him. And I still couldn't remember my own phone number.

Bizarre, eh?

He's never read the actual education bill he's signed and out and about promoting?!?! What a doofus.

Bush: I wish you could have seen this piece of legislation. It's really tall. And I admit, I haven't read it yet. You'll be happy to hear I don't intend to. But I know the principles behind the bill.

Sound fiscal management vs. Bush.

What ever happened to Jason Scott Lee? So queries one fan. I have the same question regarding my favorite, favorite beauty.

I so love Molly Ivins: Nobody is proposing raising taxes, but some fiscally prudent voices have been raised on behalf of postponing some of the generous tax cuts the Republicans gave to the rich in April. You may think Americans are smart enough to tell the difference between raising taxes and postponing tax cuts, but apparently Republicans don't. You can already see what a great political debate this is going to be.

"Let Down His Rich Pals? Over His Dead Body

The rest of us are told it is our patriotic duty to buy things we cannot afford, but the rich can only be expected to invest if it does not cost them anything in after-tax dollars."

If my life were like a Strategic Pan for work, how would my Mission Statement read? What would my Goals and Objectives be? And how would I quantify them?

I can't stop thinking about this concept.

[I]t was the administration that assured the nation that it could afford the tax cuts, most of the benefit of which will go to the wealthiest Americans, and still have plenty left over for defense, Social Security reform and other needs. That has turned out not to be so. "Not over my dead body" is memorable and dramatic. It won't change the math.

Gay TV?

When you do a sequel, it's a little more of a guarantee because you've already got a title that people are familiar with....People will say, 'How unoriginal,' but in reality, this is a business, and if you have something you're relatively sure will work, you should do it.

With that brilliant thinking is it any wonder why more and more people are excusing themselves from the drivel that Hollywood creates and heading to the independent movie houses where films of interest and thought and creativity and originality are playing? Is it any wonder why Hollywood movies seem to disappear after a highly-promoted weekend opening only to be relegated to the status of also-ran? And the upcoming movies of 2002 that they list in this article just look like one big horrible crap-fest. Do they even care about what they're making anymore?

Speaking of how bad Hollywood is: 'NSync guest-stars in Star Wars? Not that I care one whit about the new Star Wars crap-fest.

Practically every day they approach me with their enticing come-ons. It's cheap, they say. It'll make me feel good. What's the harm in trying?

Cigarette-makers? Liquor companies? Crack dealers?

Credit card firms.

It's hard to imagine a more unsavory, predatory business than the credit card industry, which preys on human weakness and then, after getting its claws into you, holds customers hostage until they can meet the companies' utterly exorbitant terms for release.

If we aren't allowed the information how will we know what's going on? Better to just trust our public officials, including Ashcroft, to do the right thing. NOT!

Alright, people, THAT'S IT! I'm back, and back with a vengeance. I am so sick and tired of all this pro-Bush crap in the media constantly. I am so sick of all this pro-Republican crap. And I am most sick of all this crap that insinuates that if you or I don't follow along blindly with all of this crap then we are somehow unpatriotic, unAmerican, and supporting the horrible and repressive Taliban or others like them. I've had it!

You're going to start seeing more and more of my political snippets in the future (the holidays kinda kept me from it all). As you can see, I've been reading my paper again. And as someone once said, "If you're not angry, you're not paying attention." Truer words have not been said before. It's time to get back in the game and get angry again. The new year has begun!

Bill Moyers is great. Too bad I missed this speech. Sounds like a hoot!

A great Letter to the Editor in the San Francisco Chronicle yesterday:

"TOO PRAISEFUL OF PRESIDENT, Editor -- Regarding Chris Matthews' column of Dec. 30: George W. Bush is "a man for all seasons"? Puh-leeeeze! This is a case of a thoroughly mediocre man of limited intellect who happened to be in the catbird seat when a catastrophe occurred requiring that he rise to meet it. If we had never been subjected to this terror, he would have gone bumbling along and we would have continued to think of him as a one-term fluke. This is the case of a man who had greatness thrust upon him."--CHERYL DAVIS, Palo Alto

Bush Sucks.

I can start saying stuff like that again, right? Yes, I can. Let me say it again.

Bush Sucks!

Of the long and boring movie Lord of the Rings, the best thing to come out of it was this hot addition to the world of cute guys.

Saw the most beautiful African American guy today while shopping in Noe Valley. He had magnificent blue eyes. Ugh, I wish I said hello.

I was in Noe Valley with my wonderful friend Johnny today. He and I had a lovely brunch and then spent the rest of the morning together chatting, shopping, browsing, reminiscing, and enjoying each other's company.

Speaking of friendship, I had a great time on Thursday night with my also-wonderful friend Alicia. She's become my drinking buddy-- I rarely drink alcohol but she's got me started on these wonderful frozen, fruity drinks while having a fancy dinner. I'm happy she's my friend.

I'm happy they're both my friends. Now, if I could only become more-than-friends with that beautiful blue-eyed guy from this morning. That would be bliss.

For those of you not in the San Francisco Bay Area we've recently had a big to-do with a change in NBC affiliates. Seems that they've changed their local affiliation to a San Jose based station. This means that many (including yours truly) within the full Bay Area cannot receive the signal to this now more southern station. So everyone's in a big pique. And we're receiving countless advertisements regarding the change, countless advertisements to purchase local cable in order to receive the signal, and countless advertisements disguised as news to keep us up-to-date.

I'm one of those strange hold-outs from the old days who's never had cable and never wanted it, despite the gawks and pleas of family and friends. First of all, I find something wrong with having to pay to be a couch potato. Secondly, I don't really like to watch tv anyway, so why would I want more of it. Third, I'd really rather have less options when flipping. And finally, the times that I've been at family's or friends' houses with cable and actually looked around I could never find anything worthy of my time anyway.

So now I'm without one of the big stations. I've thought about it and realized that I rarely watch the station anyway. And I don't really care about it. Now, of course, I would mind if I suddenly lost access to "Buffy" or the "Simpsons," but other than that I don't want any of it. But many in the area are screaming and I understand. If it was important to me I would be fuming as well. Anyway, to finalize this post I leave you with a particularly good quote from one of our angry locals:

"Maybe what bothers me most about this whole NBC thing is that it bothers me at all. I have visions of myself fighting the good fight for affordable housing, gay rights, municipal power and off-leash dog parks in San Francisco, and now find myself in the rather ignoble position of arguing that watching 'Saturday Night Live,' 'Dateline' and 'Weakest Link' is a right, not a privilege. 'Just Shoot Me,' indeed."

Besides Alicia Keys and India.Arie, Nelly Furtado, singer David Gray and alternative rockers Linkin Park were nominated for Best New Artist for the upcoming Grammys. Linkin Park! I love Linkin Park! Of course, I also really like Keys and Furtado. And everyone already knows that Keys will win. But still, Linkin Park! Yee-haw!

Regarding my last post (below), I'm reminded of my Buddha book I had started reading several, several times over the last couple of years. (I love it, but I'm just not any good at reading books; call it attention-deficit if you want.) According to Buddha and his first two (of four) Noble Truths, desire is the problem. Buddha's First Noble Truth is that life is inherently unsatisfactory, a time of continual neediness and desire. Buddha's Second Noble Truth is that human beings suffer because we live in an almost constant state of desire. See the problem.

Of course, the third and fourth Noble Truths hold the key. The third is that nature has given us the ability to train our minds to bring us new levels of satisfaction and freedom. The fourth Noble Truth tells us how to end our suffering... by giving us basic instructions for developing the vital skills of concentration and mindfulness.

But who has time for that? I find it easier just to complain about desire. Desire is the problem and it will ruin us all. Desire is evil. Now, to find some inner peace by hating desire. Yeah, that's the ticket. See, who said I needed therapy anymore?

The problem with desire is that everytime you decide to give it up and live your life free it ends up coming back really strong and overwhelms you five minutes later.

"Wave Rage"? 2002's new words aren't starting out so well......

So I don't have the Simpsons' Daily Calendar anymore (boohoo....), however I now have two new daily calendars: 1) a word-a-day so I can remember that I know very little words in the English language, and 2) another Simpsons' Daily Calendar (yet different!). The new Simpsons' Daily Calendar is not quotes from episodes, but trivia questions. And they're hard!

Here's a cute one from today: "In the weekly opening sequence, who's walking a little dog?
a) Apu
b) Smithers
c) Dr. Marvin Monroe
d) Dr. Nick Riviera"
(Answer is in comments)

What's your nominee for a 2001-word/phrase you'd like to see banished?

Let me repeat myself:

I want a dog more than I want a boyfriend.

A new year brings new things.

Jessie spent New Year's Eve night with me totally cleaning out my home computer. Yes, that's what we did for NYE, along with playing several board games while waiting on downloads. We had fun, we had joy, we had seasons in the sun. And we played sappy retro songs all night too. My computer's great now; it's like having a new computer all over again. Man, I love it when Jessie cleans me out ;-0. Thanks Babycakes.

I started the new year out right in the financial control (my resolution) arena as well. I started going through all my bills and getting rid of all the extra crap I no longer need, such as ending "the works" on my home telephone (saving 30 bucks a month). I don't even use my home telephone except for dial-up. Why would I ever need call waiting or 3-way calling on that line anyway? Thought so, out it goes.

Similarly to Jessie, I found a $50 monthly charge on my credit card to a porn site I'd never used, knew I had, and definitely never agreed to that had been going on for who knows how long. I'm so outraged about that! How it got there I don't know exactly, but it seems to be snuck into an internet bill that Jessie and I fell for. We're both mad and have definitely paid for it. So out that goes too.

I cancelled subscriptions, cancelled extras, cancelled expensive crap. I feel great having done all of this! It's just feels so productive and healthy. However, this Friday comes the big one: goodbye weekly therapy. (crying.....) Well, at least I've got myself mentally together these days (ha!). Expect more insane posts from me in the future; I do need an outlet somewhere, you know.

Began cleaning my apartment a bit; rearranging while unpacking; and thinking about getting that ultimate place where I can have a dog. That would be the big dream that's as yet continues to go unfulfilled.

I want a dog more than I want a boyfriend.

On the bf front, I don't know where I stand really. I know I said last summer that I was "ready" to try dating seriously again. And I did try several times. And I'm still trying. But me and relationships are like peas in a pod-- where the peas are overgrown, bloated, and pushing each other out, and where the pods are the body-snatching kind.

Statistically, it's rough. I mean, first you're dealing with the evil population of men in general. Then you're narrowing that horrible group into a small, small, small subset of single, gay, accessible, sane, relationship-oriented (which of course questions the sanity bit), and attractive-to-you men. Then you're dealing with whether you like him and he likes you and you like that he likes you and he likes that you like him and when does this train stop. Then comes questions of reality, trust, trustworthiness, sexuality, non-sexuality, appropriateness, and whether or not you like to talk to each other more than five minutes. Ugh, it's just too much to deal with. See what I mean about the dog?

So here's to better financial planning, a better computer, a possible webpage re-design (yes, it could happen), and a dog in 2002! (And we'll continue to see about the bf thing, but no promises....)