I don't know about you, but I'm starting to believe that "The X-Files" has been Scully's story, not Mulder's, all along. What a great read about the television series on salon.com.

I was just checking out the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon website again and I can't help but feel so sad again. Love, why must you be so cruel and hurtful?

What the news accounts rarely bring up, but need to more vociferously, is the now-named "Ashcroft standard" which is how Ashcroft chose stalling, intimidation, name-calling, personal vendettas, and ideological reasons to oppose any appointments Clinton made during the six years he was in the Senate. Democrats are trying to play fair, but are hard pressed to not use his own "Ashcroft standard" against him when he is now the nominee and so many of them have previously had friends or associates of theirs tarnished by Ashcroft in the past. This analysis is a good one, but still leaves out so many of the other nuances of Ashcroft's tenure in the Senate.

I spent all of last night trying to put a picture of Chang Chen on my webpage. Unfortunately, I'm a loser and I just couldn't do it. I gave up in anger and frustration and nearly tossed my computer out the window. But then I looked into Chang Chen's eyes and he told me to be patient. And who can argue with him?

Why can't love work? Why does it cause so many such hardship? (Pleasant thoughts after the movie)

Last night I went to see the amazing Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. What I didn't expect from the film was the incredibly deep love stories. I found myself moved beyond belief, crying in the dark theater and all the way home. Beyond all of that, I've now found the new love of my life: Chang Chen.

10-8 is actually a rather strong signal of opposition to Ashcroft, especially since all nine Democrats condemned him and his nomination. With Republicans in control of everything, he'll soon be Attorney General. It's the end of the world as we know it.

Ok, so I know that The Faculty is a bad movie with an incredibly stupid plot, but for some reason it's so much fun to watch. It's a bad movie done rather well. Plus it has cute Josh Hartnett in it. And what's so bad with that?

Why does he make me so nervous?

Wanna know the plot (and ending) of a current movie out there? Don't feel like actually watching for 2 hours some lame movie, but kinda interested in knowing what happens or who did it? Check out this website for more information than you could ever use. (Thanks Jaime!)

Cheney appeared yesterday on three of the five major Sunday morning shows, and suggested on NBC's "Meet the Press" that the administration may look for a case that could lead the Supreme Court to strike down Roe v. Wade, the decision protecting abortion. It's the end of the world as we know it.

Bush's "faith-based" programs are so blatantly unconstitutional and a direct violation of the separation of church and state. At least we can look to the Justice Department to stop this assault on the American way of life. Oh wait, the new Attorney General will be John Ashcroft, who came up with this "faith-based" or "charitable choice" concept in the first place. It's the end of the world as we know it.

This is just horrible.

HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ASHCROFT'S MORAL AUTHORITY TO LEAD? YOU ARE AN ADMITTED HOMOSEXUAL, THEREFORE, YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO QUESTION THE MORALS OF ANYONE, AT ANY TIME, AT ANY PLACE, AS YOUR LIFESTYLE GOES AGAINST GOD'S TEACHINGS. Ahhh.... fresh hate to go with my morning coffee.

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of reasons to oppose John Ashcroft as Attorney General.

George Bush's arrival in the White House represents a sea change for gay Americans..... Bill Clinton's largest legacies will surely be his legitimization of the role of gay people in American politics. And now we've got so much work to do so that we don't turn back the hands of time. Our daily lives and quest for basic human rights are at stake.

Ahhh.....love songs at night. I've got the candles lit and the new water fountain flowin. This takes me back to calm, quiet nights of relaxation and nostalgia. Is there anything better?

It's incredibly rare that I'm ever in a cleaning mode for my house (anyone who's been to my house can attest to my pigpen), so it's very nice of Jessie to understand that I needed to leave our playtime in the Castro today and go home to do laundry and clean. I was just in the mood and now my house is coming together.

I'm happy to report that I got an email from my mentor and first employer Erika this weekend. I love her and appreciate her impact on my life probably more than she would ever know. She was my boss at my first activist job after college at Planned Parenthood in Kansas City, Missouri. But I find myself saddened by her note because she's discouraged by the election of President Bush and how it has empowered all of the anti-choice nuts who protest outside the clinics. They now are even more excited and enthused about trying to destroy (i.e. bomb) the clinics and intimidate, frighten, and threaten the patients and staff. And with Ashcroft the choice for Attorney General, they are even more emboldened that they will not be stopped.

This reminds me that elections, news coverage, and political debates actually do have real life consequences affecting everyday people and that they are not just news stories.

What a great website for more information on the extremism of John Ashcroft.

Actually, the more I think about it, the more stupid the movie seems. Here's a pretty right-on review by the Chonicle.

I'm still trying to decide how I felt about the movie "The Gift" which Jessie and I saw tonight at the theater. Here you can listen to the review by Roger Ebert and his new sidekick Richard Roeper. Regardless of my opinion on the movie, which I'm still formulating, I must say that the acting was amazing. Cate Blanchett creates a character so interesting and real. Also great acting from Hilary Swank and Giovanni Ribisi.

Why do I have this humongous headache today?

Hey, look. My letter got published in the Bay Area Reporter this week. (Scroll down)

Corey, my office mate, likes to use the word sesquipedalian all the time.

Hello Jaime. Hello Corey. Hello Tom.

Lunchtime, Eeek!

Wow, Jennifer Lopez sure has changed her look.

"I've gotten literally thousands of calls from a wide variety of citizens in my state asking me to oppose Senator Ashcroft's nomination. They aren't just saying "oppose Ashcroft" and hanging up. These are people who are telling me that they've been following the debate, and they're really concerned that their rights won't be protected if John Ashcroft becomes attorney general." Good for Senator Patty Murray (Democrat of Washington State) for opposing his nomination too. The countdown is on!

That's four words....

My DC/NYC trip is coming up in a few weeks. My NYC friends are planning on taking me to a Broadway show while I'm there. Isn't that cool of them? Anyway, which one should I see? Suggestions anyone?

Don't be such a sesquipedalian, ok?

Well, ala Chris, I've decided that even though the cute guys in my class left after the first day, that there are a couple of new cute guys that I seemed to not have noticed before. Given time and boredom and loneliness it was bound to happen.

Ah, life in San Francisco. It's amazing what becomes commonplace here. In my class at City College, we're learning about the four different types of measurement scales: nominal, ordinal, interval, and ratio. As an example of a nominal level, we are given gender classification, i.e. male, female, and of course transgender. I don't remember being told about a third gender classification in school in Missouri, but here in San Francisco, none of the students or my teacher seem to bat an eye. I'm so glad to see the Gay Agenda is moving forward. ;-)

Governor Ahnold? Please no.

Morning Mantra: What's going on in Reese's World today?

The hypocrisy and lies from John Ashcroft continue.

A cousin turned Joseph Ileto's name into an acronym that was carried on T-shirts and on banners: Join Our Struggle, Educate to Prevent Hate. Instill Love, Equality, Tolerance for Others...... "the modern-day symbol, a reminder that hate and ignorance die hard in America." -- An intriguing article about the struggle faced by the Filipino-American family after Joseph was killed last year by a white-supremacist. They have faced amazing difficulties in being remembered, not just by the public and the media, but also by public officials and organizations devoted to ending hate crimes.

We really should thank Senator Dianne Feinstein tremendously for her strongly worded opposition to John Ashcroft's nomination to Attorney General. She is a member of the Judiciary Committee overseeing the nomination. She is the first member of that committee to actually state her formal opposition. She is also viewed favorably in the Senate as a moderate, which will go a long way to helping others to come out in opposition. Check out this excerpt from the New York Times: In the middle of the maneuvering, Senator Feinstein delivered her unexpected and stinging attack. "I truly believe that a president is entitled to his or her cabinet," she said. "However, the background record of this nominee is not mainstream on the key issues. I know he is strong on law and order issues. However, his views on certain issues — civil rights, desegregation, a woman's right to choose, guns — make him an enormously divisive and polarizing figure." She said his record was "ultra right wing and that's not where most of the people in this nation are." (P.S. also note the reference to "his or her"; you go, Dianne!)

Well, Jessie and I attempted to check in on our dear friend Victor tonight and see how he is recuperating, but unfortunately he wasn't feeling well enough for visitors and we didn't get the chance. Dear Victor, I do hope you feel better soon and know that we're thinking of you. Love ya.

Yay! Senator Dianne Feinstein opposes Ashcroft. She announced her opposition today. Maybe it was my letter that convinced her. ;-)

I think that I'm one of the lucky ones. I live across the street from a hospital. But I think everyone is really hoping for their office to be one in one of the blacked out areas.

This review of the play Tallulah is actually quite on point. The play is only saved by Kathleen Turner.

Jessie has pictures up on his webpage from our recent venture to Sacramento (2 days prior to big rig crashing into capitol). Check 'em out.

Ok, so the cute guy in my next-door office reminded me that we were to have lunch this week. We're having lunch on Friday. I'm nervous again. Eeeek.

Well, I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, in large part due to the large number of pigeons that roost on my office building. It's a good thing my gym is only a few blocks away so that I could manage to wash my hair immediately following a pigeon relieving itself on my head.

How bizarre it is to hear Newt Gingrich's voice again on the radio. I long for the day when Bush's voice is long forgotten.

"Lessons Learned from a Trip to Sacramento" (Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday weekend):
1) Sacramento is a pretty quiet town, but has its charm.
2) Downtown Sacramento has some really beautiful houses that I might be able to afford and have a place to call my own.
3) I could have a dog. (Jessie and I went to PetSmart to buy his kitten some supplies. You can take your dog in with you if you go. I could take my dog with me if I went and had a dog. I want a dog.)
4) There is a place for people to go who are obsessed with donuts.
5) Jessie is one of those donut-obsessed people.
6) Toilets have their own website.
7) The gay community is small, but definitely exists. It even has a community center. The local publication is entitled Outword.
8) The great thing about going to smaller communities as it relates to gay life is that the gay bars/clubs are much more open to regular people. When you go to a gay club, you see everyone there; not just circuit boys. Regular people, old people, fat people, big people, small people, men, women, transgender, thin people, people with no fashion sense, all kinds of people. The attitude of the San Francisco gay community is so stifling to regular people's attendance. Smaller cities thrive on anyone/everyone who is gay that everyone is welcome to be a part of all aspects of the community. That is refreshing!
9) There's a cozy little gay bookstore in town.
10) The state capitol is beautiful and I'm glad I got to see it before the truck ran into it two days after I was there.
11) I missed San Francisco and I can't imagine life with my dear sweet Jessie.
12) I can't decide what I want to do with my life. Move to Sacramento. Stay in San Francisco. Become someone else. Gain 300 pounds. Travel the world. Work in a totally different field. Who knows...........

Ah.... homework. Readings from my new Statistics book: A quasi-experimental study produces data that have the same general structure as experimental data. Specifically, one of the two variables is used to create groups or conditions, and then the other variable is measured in each group or in each condition. Table 1.3 shows data from a quasi-experimental study examining.... snoooooozzzzzzze...........

From the Simpsons daily calendar, a Ned Flanders quote:
Why me, Lord? Where have I gone wrong? I've always been nice to people! I don't drink or dance or swear! I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side! I've done everything the Bible says; even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more could I do?

Jessie was sweet enough yesterday to take me to see the new play Tallulah starring my favorite actress Kathleen Turner. It was a fun event. I'd never been to the Curran Theater either, which was beautiful to see. Thanks Jessie.

Britain's Naked Guy became the first person anywhere in Britain to appear in court in the buff.

Ant-Killing Machines?

"I think Muni is the greatest transportation system in the world,'' said Mike Franko. "But I don't think their driverless program is working."

My dear, sweet friend Johnny took me to dinner tonight at this wonderful Burmese restaurant on Clement Street. It was so good. Unfortunately, it was too good and I came home completely stuffed. I ate too much. But it was so good.

Elsewhere in the city, streets signs along Bush Street were changed to read ``Puppet." I live on Bush Street. It was pretty funny today seeing all the signs changed in such a way.

Bleh.

Yesterday I was in San Francisco City Hall and passed by the Elections Department. Outside that office they were conducting a hand recount of a local election that has been contested. It was official, legal, and prudent. Everyone was proceeding officially and all the ballots were thoroughly examined for the intent of the voter. These types of recounts are regular occurances all over the country for disputed local elections. If the Republicans would not have blatantly stopped such legal and standard procedures in Florida, we would not be witnessing a wholesale attack on our system of democracy at the presidential level.

Here we go again. We tried to warn you before the election. "Ari Fleischer, Mr. Bush's spokesman, said today that Mr. Ashcroft's statements about not seeking to overturn the Supreme Court decision had to do with his commitment to enforcing the law as it now exists. Mr. Fleischer did not close off the possibility that Mr. Bush might someday seek to overturn the decision...." and also, after 12 or so years of ongoing studies, research, and results from its regular use in Europe, it looks like we're going to do some more political research until crazy people have their way.

I do not like my state of mind

I do not like my state of mind;
I'm bitter, querulous, unkind.
I hate my legs, I hate my hands,
I do not yearn for lovelier lands.
I dread the dawn's recurrent light;
I hate to go to bed at night.
I snoot at simple, earnest folk.
I cannot take the gentlest joke.
I find no peace in paint or type.
My world is but a lot of tripe.
I'm disillusioned, empty-breasted.
For what I think, I'd be arrested.
I am not sick, I am not well.
My quondam dreams are shot to hell.
My soul is crushed, my spirit sore;
I do not like me any more.
I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse.
I ponder on the narrow house.
I shudder at the thought of men...
I'm due to fall in love again.
-- Dorothy Parker

This plastic surgery office is just a few doors down the street from me. Maybe that's a sign that I should stop by and become someone else.

#*@%*"#!!!!

Why is it that no matter where you work, you are always underutilized and underappreciated?!?

I had a strange dream last night where I was watching a porno movie with my mother. She found it disturbing. I was embarassed, even though it was my idea. And none of the guys were even cute. What does this mean? (P.S. I've had this dream before....)

This is probably one of the sickest things I have ever seen. Ricky, my love for you has so fallen. As Madonna would say: "Bye, bye, Baby."

I've decided to celebrate California's power woes by purchasing another electronic water fountain.

Could that be why I've been so tired lately?

Why am I so unhappy these days?

Ronnie White finally had his say today. Testify, my brother. Testify! It is so much fun having all these people complain about the insanity and right-wing craziness that is John Ashcroft.

I'm in school! How bizarre is that?!? Started the Statistics class I'm auditing today at City College. It's very strange being in a classroom again. The only part I didn't really like was the "getting to know you" part. Mind you, I understand it's importance and I used to enjoy those types of things, but as an older student who is just auditing the class, I don't really care that much about everyone else's lives. Apparently, there will be many more subgroupings within the class for us to "get to know each other" and work on statistics together. Bleh. Oh, and yes, there were a couple of cute guys in the class.

In April, in April,
My one love came along,
And I ran the slope of my high hill
To follow a thread of song.

His eyes were hard as porphyry
With looking on cruel lands;
His voice went slipping over me
Like terrible silver hands.

Together we trod the secret lane
And walked the muttering town.
I wore my heart like a wet, red stain
On the breast of a velvet gown.

In April, in April,
My love went whistling by,
And I stumbled here to my high hill
Along the way of a lie.

Now what should I do in this place
But sit and count the chimes,
And splash cold water on my face
And spoil a page with rhymes?

--Dorothy Parker

I've been trying to catch the all-day hearings on John Ashcroft's nomination to Attorney General yesterday and today. It's incredibly bizarre. Since when is it that we need to rediscuss the Civil War and the South's perspective? Also, I have a particular bone to pick with Senator Bob Smith (Republican of New Hampshire) now. He was commending Ashcroft for his grace and respect and such for shutting down his campaign for a week after his opponent (Governor Mel Carnahan) died three weeks before the election so that he, his campaign, and the state of Missouri could mourn and reflect. Then Senator Smith had the gall to say that while he had the respect and interest of everyone in mind, his opponents were out gearing up to defeat him in the November election. Yeah, I think that's what we were doing: "gearing." I think that's what Mrs. Carnahan had in mind when her husband and son died. She was "gearing up" to defeat Ashcroft in the election. We all went through a terrible and tremendously sad episode and no one was "gearing." We were too busy crying.

Oh my! Look who's on the cover of this week's Time magazine.

the sun's gone dim
and the moon's turned black
for I loved him
and he didn't love back

--dorothy parker

Dear Senator Dianne Feinstein:

I am a Missourian living in California. I moved here a year and a half ago. Over the last six years I have been witness to how ideologically divisive my former Senator, John Ashcroft, has been. He showed incredible insensitivity and a strong ability to wreck havoc with nominee after nominee during his six years in the Senate. One particularly striking episode was his successful derailment of Justice Ronnie White to the federal bench. This episode was, by far, one of the worst episodes of egregious name-calling and personal destruction ever witnessed by the Senate.

Missouri is a great state. I’m glad to be able to call it home. Missouri is a conservative state in many respects. Missouri rarely, if ever, votes someone out of office. However, after we Missourians watched our Senator Ashcroft move further and further towards the right-wing, taking personal and partisan attacks to new levels of extreme, and distancing himself from the real needs of his constituents, we proudly voted him out of office. We did so, even though our nominee, the late Governor Mel Carnahan, died three weeks before the election. We voted Senator Ashcroft out of office because he was simply too partisan and right-wing for our state.

In that vein, I ask you the following questions: If John Ashcroft is too conservative for Missouri, how can he be an appropriate representative as the nation’s Attorney General? And why should Senators vote to confirm John Ashcroft to a higher office, when the will of the voters of the state of Missouri was for him to leave office? I ask that you use your leadership on the Senate Judiciary Committee to voice opposition to John Ashcroft’s nomination and I urge you to vote against his confirmation to U.S. Attorney General.

Three day car rental: $123.42
Gas: $21.81
Hotel Room Stay: $47.03
Dim sum: $25.00
Dinner at a fancy restaurant: $55.23
Spending a wonderful weekend with dear, sweet, adorable Jessie: Priceless.

(Jessie, you owe me $136.25. Ah, priceless....)

"Lessons learned from a trip back home" (Christmas/New Years trip; late, I know, but I owe it to Walter):

1) The freezing weather (8 degrees) reminded me of one major reason I left;
2) The freezing weather outside created insanely dry and overly warm heat indoors everywhere;
3) The dry heat created nose bleeds and chapping all over my lips and hands;
4) That reminded me of another reason I left;
5) Walter continues to be a great friend in my life (We met through the gay group I created at UMKC way back in 1990/1991 and have seen each other through many years of changes, travels, moves, bf's, semi-bf's, dates, and other crazy happenings);
6) My niece, Mariah, is the cutest, most wonderful Little Kid in the whole world;
7) Mariah also knows how to throw an incredible tantrum and reigns supreme as the Queen;
8) Caveat: When my sister, her mother, Wendy, is around, Wendy reigns supreme as the Queen and Mariah is the Princess;
9) Wendy is still so young (25; with a seven year old running around to take care of; can you imagine?) and she can drive you crazy just as well;
10) I am not Mariah's father, although many times people thought I was;
11) I'm old enough to be a father (yikes!);
12) My family is incredibly wonderful and definitely know how to make you feel at home;
13) Kansas City is getting more diverse;
14) The gay scene of Kansas City is getting better (what with the continued and popular presence of the gay coffee house downtown, and the greater diversity of people in the clubs);
15) Avoiding this "Lessons learned" for several weeks made it even harder to write.....

I've been away the last few days. Took that trip to Sacramento I mentioned, with Jessie. I'll write more about it shortly. Been a fun, busy weekend. Now it's back to work in the morning.

Meeting new people on the internet is always fun. Got a nice email from this guy today. He's obviously a really good photographer.

Well, I'm getting ready for a trip to Sacramento for the weekend with Jessie. It occurs to me that I still haven't done my "Lessons learned" from my trip back home over the holidays. Sorry, I guess I'm just a loser.

Isn't Kealoha a major cutie!?! Jessie and I love to go get a really great massage from him. If you want to make Jessie smile, just whisper the name "Kealoha."

The upside of therapy: you get to talk about your life. The downside: you have to talk about your disgusting, useless, loser life for an hour.

Instead of going to the gym today, I decided to make a healthy compromise by eating lunch at McDonald's. Both of my racquetball games this week were cancelled and I didn't go to the gym in their stead. You guys are definitely not encouraging me enough. Where are my emails of encouragement?!? C'mon guys, I need help.

You know, it's funny. I had read about the controversy and lawsuit over the website teacherreview.com, but it never ever occured to me that I might actually have any interest in the site itself. Well, now that I am in the process of taking a course at City College I located the website and have found it to be incredibly useful in trying to determine a good professor and class.

Here's a new and exciting way to Oppose Ashcroft's nomination to Attorney General. Just click it!

For all those of you who have been swooning over the new movie "Traffic," here's a interesting little tid bit for you. (I still haven't seen it).

So now both of my racquetball games I mentioned in my earlier post have been canceled this week. So much for playing racquetball again. And you are supposed to be encouraging me to keep up at the gym!

I can't believe this about Ricky Martin. My love for him has so fallen.

"People let me tell you. I work hard everyday. I get up out of bed. I put on my clothes, cuz I got bills to pay. And it ain't easy. But I don't want no help. I got a strong will to survive. I got a deeper love, a deeper love, a deeper love inside. I call it Pride. (A Deeper Love) Pride (A Deeper Love) Pride (A Deeper Love)." One of the best songs C+C Music Factory ever wrote.

"While I served as the governor of the State of Missouri, I learned that several individuals in the administration were homosexuals and had done outstanding work. Unfortunately, several of those individuals with whom I worked and whom I respected met a very early death, in part as a result of the practice of their lifestyle, and it is a tragedy," Attorney General-elect John Ashcroft said in a Senate floor speech on September 6, 1996. I watched the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) debate in 1996 and witnessed my Senator, John Ashcroft, saying these egregious words. I haven't seen them since. They were stricken from the Congressional Record (as any Congressperson can do), probably because they were so extremist. I've been waiting and waiting for them to be in the public perview. Today, they were in the New York Times and now everyone can see how Ashcroft truly feels about gay people and gay rights. Is it no wonder that gay groups and other liberal groups are working to oppose his nomination? Do what you can to oppose his nomination. Write your Senator and let them know that you do not what this extremist crazy person in office! We Missourians rejected his re-election bid. The U.S. Senate should do no less than reject him from higher office. Thank you.

"Since when is the Jewish homosexual who advocates for transgender rights and medical-cannabis use the conservative in the race?" Supervisor Mark Leno joked, in describing himself. This is exactly the reason I feel that San Francisco politics are out of whack with reality.

So, like, I'm at this party tonight and this guy's talking to me about San Francisco and Sacramento. I mention that I'm thinking about eventually moving to Sacramento. He screams, "No, you don't want to do that! I'm from Sacramento and it's just not a fun scene. I mean, maybe if you're like 30 or something and wanting settle down...." I quietly state, "I am 30 and I do want to settle down." "Oh, you are?!? Wow, you look like you're 25 or something. I thought you were a party girl." I'm flattered, I think, and yet feeling old in wanting to settle down. Hmmm.....

Speaking of the gym, check this out: I love racquetball. I used to play all the time. But I haven't played since moving to Cali. Anyway, a friend through work asked me last week to play racquetball with him this Wednesday. So, I'm like, cool. We'll do that. Then, a friend of mine from DC who I used to play racquetball with, called me up today (she lives here now, btw) and said lets play racquetball this week. So, I'm like, cool. Now, I'm playing racquetball twice this week. When it rains, it pours.

I'm so proud of myself. I've been getting back to the gym. I went a couple times while I was in Missouri. I went a couple of times last week. And now I've gone today to start off the week right. I have a new resolve to go during lunch. I'm not doing anything major right now as far as weights or anything, just getting back into the groove with lots of cardio. But it feels great! Now, encourage me. I need to keep it up.

Oh good, he's back!

Speaking of missing people: where is Chris these days? I know everyone was having blogger problems lately, but I thought he'd be back up by now. I miss him. Chris, Chris, where are you?

Well, it's a good thing I have Jessie in my life. Otherwise I would never get out of bed, eat, shower, or leave the house. Yesterday, he had other plans. We normally have breakfast on the weekends. I didn't get out of bed until 2pm. By then I was starving and just threw on yesterday's clothes and got food and fresh milk. The rest of the day involved lying around my "growing messier every day" apartment, watching bad tv, wasting time on the internet, and not caring about personal hygiene. Luckily, for me, I had work today, so things were taking care of this morning. But I have no idea what kind of vegetative state I might be in otherwise. Jessie, where for art thou?

Ok, so my dear friend Walter is right. I haven't written much about my Kansas City trip. I was going to do that, and have been making a list of "lessons learned," but with all the blogger problems of late, it just got too difficult to blog, and I forgot about it. But, now, seriously, "Lessons learned from a trip back home" will be up later today. Thank you Walter.

You know who I really miss? I miss hearing George Michael's voice and music on the radio. Where is he these days? Will there be a new album? I grew up during the 80's and 90's and he was always everywhere. I lived the "Faith" and "Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1" albums for years and years; I knew every word. I miss his music. Where is he?

Ok, so I finally set it up. I'm going back to Washington, DC for a visit in late February. I'd like a chance to see my old friends and my old office (even though my old office moved to a new building which I've never seen). I'll also be stopping back through New York City to visit my good friend Nathan before heading home. The big question is: should I try and meet up with my ex-boyfriend while I'm in NYC? What do you all think about hanging out with ex's after years have gone by? Let me know what you think.

Testify, my Brother, Testify! (This other article has an interesting different take on the situation)

Whew! I just love this new improved Blogger. It just makes me wanna blog, blog, blog all the time.

Well, the news just said that it's going to rain all next week. Good thing I got a new umbrella for Christmas from my parents. It's one of those fancy ones that opens and closes at the push of a button. We'll be giving it the ol' college try this week for sure.

Should a recount reverse the election and determine a new winner, he would be removed from office and the real winner would take the seat.... If only this applied to the presidential election. I'm still mourning that stolen election.

Wow, Victor! New redesign is looking good. I was thinking though...... maybe, you should put up a picture of yourself so others can see how you look. ;-)

Wow, that last post actually went through quickly on the very first try! Blogger must be working again. At least I hope so.

Sweet, sweet Jessie and I spent the evening in the Castro tonight. We wanted to catch the 9pm showing of Vertigo at the Castro Theater. I had seen it when I was a kid and remembered the major plot twist so I kinda just watched it to see how it played out. The movie was interesting, and the San Francisco landmarks were fun to spot, but the movie just kinda left me wanting something more. Something more...... maybe it was Jessie that was leaving me wanting more. Hehehehe.

Well, I did it. I asked the guy in the office next to mine out to lunch today. You know, the cute guy; the one I like. It was a nice lunch. We're going to do it again too. Eeeek! Why am I so nervous about all of this?

I know it's real. I know I've been talking about it a lot. I know, I know. But I still can't believe this is real. It makes me wanna cry tears of joy.

Ugh! I have spent all day trying to put up simple posts. I am so tired of Blogger not working properly!

"I always felt that I would be an observer from the balcony. But instead, I was a participant," Jean Carnahan said after she was sworn in. "I have just gone through a very bittersweet moment."

My daily Simpsons calendar quote: Anchorman: "Uh, Mr. Burns, people are calling this a meltdown." Mr. Burns replies, "Oh, meltdown. It's one of those annoying "buzzwords." We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus."

I am just loving all the news articles about the tough confirmation process for Attorney General-designee John Ashcroft. It feels like people are finally paying attention to how crazy he is. I've been dealing with him for six years as my Senator and I've been working to let everyone know how bad he is. Most people just didn't seem to care because he was from Missouri and wasn't relevant to them. I'm happy to report that we defeated him in his reelection for the Senate in Missouri last November because he was so bad. Well, now he is relevant to everyone and I'm enjoying the national news nipping at his heels, looking up old speeches, and trying to determine just how far-right he really is. It won't take much research. The fight is going to be tough, as most designates get confirmed by the Senate anyway. But it will be fun to watch him try to defend himself

The new love of my life, Andres Fernandez.

"Jean Carpenter Carnahan, 66, today becomes the first woman U.S. senator from the state of Missouri. She is one of 13 women in the chamber and one of 50 Democrats." Hooray!

Back at work today. Not so bad, just wading through mail and emails. Got a holiday card from an old acquaintance, Jaime (pronounced en espanol, not with a hard "J"). He's the executive director for a great gay group in Oregon, Basic Rights Oregon. I met him briefly at a NGLTF Creating Change Conference (always a great meeting place) and we've kept in touch. Unfortunately, we've never been able to really hang out and get to know each other as much as we should. But it's nice to know him in the greater scheme of things.

Today was such a great day. I did nothing. It was great. I've spent so much time with my family and taking care of my niece and everyone else's needs for my entire vacation, that it was nice to actually spend some time doing whatever I wanted. I had a lovely brunch with Jessie, who still reigns supreme as the greatest guy on earth. And then it was coffee, reading papers, cleaning house, unpacking, reading magazines, having a quiet lunch, going to the castro, and just enjoying the day. Nothing quite like a day off.

As noted by my wonderful and sexy friend, my website is a bit Alfredo-free. So here, in a spirit of complete adoration, as only Alfredo deserves, I make a post in his honor. Alfredo Silvestre. Now smile and give me a big kiss.

A little over three years ago, I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I had always felt that something was wrong with the way I overthought about everything, but couldn't understand it. Around that time I just about snapped and decided to check into the possibility that I had OCD with a doctor. My brother had been diagnosed with it a few years earlier, so I knew what it was. He had the more obvious and conspicuous traits (the constant washing of hands, etc.) than I ever had. Most of my symptoms I kept to myself, not letting anyone see. I tried to pretend everything was fine. But I was slowly hurting myself more than I can describe. It was actually a great relief when I was diagnosed and given the option of getting better. It was like a great weight had been lifted; I now knew there was a better way to live. I'm now so much better, thanks to medicine and talking about it. It's still a challenge, but the world is a much better place now. (I thought about this, because I was reading Chris' post about obsession. Think of it like that, but about 20 times more destructive to your mind.)

"Lessons learned from trip back home" coming soon.........

Thanks to Matthew, I just started reading through a site that I hadn't seen before. I'm looking forward to reading much more in the future. Lots of good political thought.

I'm home! I'm home! I'm finally home!